tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2822414872604636092024-03-13T03:36:00.780-05:00you make me smileAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-45186957522554662082014-02-28T16:24:00.001-06:002014-02-28T16:24:38.595-06:00Shout out to the hubs!I read my weekly emails keeping me up to date with the pregnancy since it's been 6 years since I've experienced this....and quite frankly things are completely different this time around. But I'll admit, last night's first can totally be my last....I hope I never have that experience ever again.<br />
This week's email mentioned that I might start to feel light-headed from standing up too fast, especially after sitting for long periods of time. I work at a desk and I have to drive 25 miles to and from home every day...so I sit a lot. And I've been getting light headed for a little bit....but not ever to the point of alarm. Until last night.<br />
Normal day, normal everything. I get home last night and the second I step foot out of my car everything starts spinning. I get E out, and start to unload the car, but have to stop and call the Officer to come home. I just felt dizzy, but felt there was a possibility I could pass out and I didn't want to leave E just waiting for the Officer to get home. I came inside, sat down, and a few seconds later had to head to the bathroom...and that's where I stayed. I have never puked so much in my life. TMI, I know. I couldn't even open my eyes because the room was spinning so much. <br />
So the Officer came home and asked what I wanted to do...as always I instructed him to call my sister. My first thought was, I'm pregnant and my email just said this was a possibility, so I'm sure it's nothing and I don't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill. Well, my sister didn't answer so the Officer called his EMT friend in town. EMT said to go ahead and take me in because the flu had been going around and since I was 34 weeks it was a good idea to have the hospital check on baby too. So, we called some good friends that were kind enough to take E for the evening.<br />
Anyone who knows me knows I HATE LEAVING E...so that was hard in itself. But I trust our friends and knew E would be well taken care of while I was getting fixed.<br />
The Officer went ahead and got E ready for bed so they didn't have to worry about it, and I laid on the couch until E got picked up. Then the Officer asked if I could stand up to walk or if I wanted him to carry me...I get motion sickness fairly easily so I knew that being carried was NOT an option....any movement that wasn't my own was going to make me puke and I knew it. So I sat up, puked, and once I could stand we got in the truck and left. That ended up being the longest ride EVER. BUT I didn't throw up until I had to move again once we got to the ER. Tiny victory!<br />
So we go in and get sent to the OB floor immediately...and this entire time I still can't open up my eyes because yes, the room was STILL spinning. <br />
Anyway, jump to the end...everything was fine...baby is fine. No real answer as to why I felt like I'd ridden the Tilt A Whirl a hundred times in a row. I have NEVER felt that kind of motion sickness/dizziness. I've always had a little vertigo to deal with....but THAT was insane and I hope I never ever ever ever ever have to feel that way again. It was scary and totally sucked. <br />
I told the Officer that my old boss had once mentioned that no one should ever get married until they've seen each other through the flu. No I didn't have the flu, but that's as close as I want to be to getting it. And bless my sweet hubby's heart, he had to give up his weekend bachelor party with one of his best friends so that E and I are well taken care of. I have never felt so blessed to have found someone that will wrap their arm around my waist so I can walk without complaining or getting grossed out that there's puke on my shirt. He handled this situation like a pro and all I can say is E and I are extremely lucky to have him.<br />
I honestly can say I don't know what I would do without him....and after last night, I hope I never find out.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-8255942264509135802013-09-04T15:23:00.000-05:002013-09-04T15:23:05.879-05:00There's a first for everything...and everyone<div style="text-align: center;">
Holy cow it's finally here!!! E's first day of Kindergarten!!! It's so hard to believe that my baby is old enough to be "in school" all day every day. He's so grown up and independent. It makes my heart happy and sad all at the same time. It feels like just yesterday I was bringing him home from the hospital. So tiny and completely dependent on me. Now he's definitely not tiny and so independent. I can still help him do a few things, but he's pretty insistent that he does things himself. So here's just a few pictures of my adorable child. </div>
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This was the night before....his very first Open House! He had so much fun seeing his classroom. He loved that his desk had his name on it! </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAiZ-MCDOZBhlhNmt8ckhJWPZbEXAaDVqp1NK-tQc-9g18O9Ce8T9UaB1iAnjHsVi9YqhBaOhpo7OVPZ_9LSkuLrkepKSACWlWzM91EHrcsRWc8WOY1ywlIzOqUG0rExSAmNV3iDsen4M/s1600/securedownload3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAiZ-MCDOZBhlhNmt8ckhJWPZbEXAaDVqp1NK-tQc-9g18O9Ce8T9UaB1iAnjHsVi9YqhBaOhpo7OVPZ_9LSkuLrkepKSACWlWzM91EHrcsRWc8WOY1ywlIzOqUG0rExSAmNV3iDsen4M/s200/securedownload3.jpg" width="150" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhubc0V4W5glD7r5zdK778vuT3zMdTpU7sUtOJt2ddHVBsQmOOiPvODztUJH5Ktp8z5CTbrjG7lxjETWh8zRDY6NG2XwKBCZbQadNC6nORytdPgmIeiyhyphenhyphenRBLibCLreiCy2S_wytOc7rkA/s1600/securedownload2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhubc0V4W5glD7r5zdK778vuT3zMdTpU7sUtOJt2ddHVBsQmOOiPvODztUJH5Ktp8z5CTbrjG7lxjETWh8zRDY6NG2XwKBCZbQadNC6nORytdPgmIeiyhyphenhyphenRBLibCLreiCy2S_wytOc7rkA/s200/securedownload2.jpg" width="150" /></a></div>
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The actual first day of school!!</div>
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How cute is he?!?!?! And so BIG!!! I can barely pick him up!</div>
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I didn't cry....E on the other hand had a little harder time letting mom leave for work...</div>
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And this would be from the 3rd day of school...although we're living in Wyo Cowboy Country we're still very much O-State Cowboys at heart!!!! We may be learning to say "Powder River Let Em Buck" we still throw up our pistols and shout "Ride Em Cowboys"!!!</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-75609690883223662422013-07-23T18:32:00.000-05:002013-07-23T18:32:27.389-05:00It's Been a Rough Ride
<br />
I'm nearing the end of E's six week summer vacay with his dad, and holy
buckets I'm ready for this to be over. I've learned a lot....a lot about me,
and definitely a lot about the people I used to consider family, and at the end
of the day all I can say is thank Heavens I only have to deal with this for a
short time during the summer.<br />
It's rough not getting to talk to your child, to not see your child. It's
rough not knowing what's going on and not knowing the people that are around
them.<br />
I feel that The Officer and I have been extremely respectful and mature
about our relationship with the ex and his family. Grandma, Papa, and the ex
have all met The Officer. Regardless of what they think of him, they at least
know who he is and I think that speaks volumes.<br />
I don't have a problem with my ex and his new wife. I don't even have a
problem with his family that cares enough to start rumors about E's mother.
What I'm uncomfortable with is the fact that I have to put blind trust into
someone that I've never met. The ex decided himself to not tell me he was
getting married, that E would have a step mom and that my child would be
staying with her alone. Now, I'm smart enough to realize that yes, should my ex
get married E would be staying with them. And I'm not by any means trying to
appear that I don't approve of his spouse, because I don't care. I simply don't
understand why things are kept from me. What would I have done if he had told
me about the wedding? Gone down to stop it? Tried my hardest to disrupt it? Absolutely
not. I knew about the wedding for a long time. I'm someone that calls her child
every other day and I purposely didn't call the Friday of the rehearsal dinner
because I knew they'd be busy, or the Saturday of the wedding because I knew
they'd be busy, or the Sunday after because I knew they'd be busy with family
that had come to the wedding before they left. Am I the only one that thinks
that was nice of me? I don't want to toot my own horn or make it known that I'm
a saint, but seriously?!?!? Was that not the polite thing to do?<br />
My problem per se is that I feel like it's rude and disrespectful that I
wasn't aware of something that directly involved my child. I now have to be the
bigger person AGAIN and reach out to someone I don't know because they'll be
taking care of my child while his dad is working. <br />
I sent an email to his dad stating that this was uncomfortable for everyone
(probably just me) because obviously she's only heard mean and nasty things
about me...because I've been told that's what's been said...but I don't know
her at all. I've never met her, never interacted with her, and if I wasn't
smart enough to put two and two together I would've never known about her. On
top of that now I have to contact her to talk to my child. It’s weird! But the
response his dad gave was, “he’s being taken care of.” Well golly gee….if that
was my concern you can bet your butt I’d be down there in a heartbeat if I didn’t
think he was being taken care of! I KNOW he’s being taken care of…it doesn’t
change the fact that it’s weird I have to call the “other woman”!! Sheesh!<br />
My heart belongs to my child….and all I’ve ever wanted was to be an involved
mother so it’s not easy to just sit back and let someone else take the reins.
It’s hard to just be on the sidelines. I’m sure it’ll get easier and I’m sure
one day I won’t want to slap the ex upside the head….but until then I’m trying
my hardest to just laugh at the confusion and breathe through the chaos. And I’m
so so so appreciative of the mutual friends that we do have that update me and
send me pictures of my sweet boy. They have helped make the last 5.5 weeks a
bit more bearable.<o:p></o:p><br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-31513571564436480692013-07-15T12:19:00.000-05:002013-07-15T12:19:01.610-05:00How Do I Turn Off My Mom?Ya know....it doesn't matter who has my child...I worry and I stress and I freak out when he's not with me. Mainly because I just don't trust that others have his best interest at heart....not like I do. I would do anything for him and I'm not convinced anyone would do the same. So I have a few issues....sue me!<br />
But it's been 4 weeks since he left for his summer in Oklahoma and I cannot freaking turn the mom in me off! It's driving everyone insane! Besides the fact that the ex and his family make it extremely difficult to talk to E...and FYI Grandma he cries when he has to talk to ya'll too...but what do I do with my free time? I still have to work...and take care of my house and my dog....but what the heck I have so much freaking me time it's ridiculous!<br />
So....during my nice little meltdown the other day with my sister...I'm allowed a few now and then....we talked about what I could do to keep myself occupied while he's gone...and of course all her ideas were bad ideas....do my hair, my make up, clean....whatever May, I'm just gonna sit my behind on the couch and watch the Bachelorette! Ha! Okay not really....but she had a few good ideas. I'll give her that.<br />
So The Officer has been amazing with keeping me distracted and doing things...I've been to the movies and to the lake more this summer than I have in the last few years. I even floated the river....I have the sunburn to prove it too! Ha! I've even come to work early and stayed late....ya, that's how cool I am!<br />
While I've had all this free time...I've done a lot of thinking. I love E more than anything....probably a little too much at times. I love being his mom...I love watching him grow and mature....and I love being able to take care of him. I never asked to be a "part time" mom....his dad wanted that....not me. I want to be the mom that's always there...I don't want to miss my child growing up. But there's nothing I can do...E and I were forced into this situation...and I think we've done a pretty damn good job together too. I've always said I came to terms with being a single mom....just taking care of me and E. I didn't realize I could fall in love with someone just as much. The Officer is incredible. I know I'm a pain in the ass...it's a given once you've been hurt....especially when things are ended so abruptly with no given explanation. I didn't know if it was something superficial or innate that was the demise of my past relationships. Who knows...I don't. But you start to doubt yourself. Am I too fat? Is my laugh that bad? What about the way I fold my laundry? Is it my faith in God? The car I drive? My job? My degree? Something was wrong with me...or so I thought. I haven't felt pretty in a long time...I haven't felt good enough in a long time. How could I change what was "wrong" with me when I didn't even know what it was?!?!?<br />
So when you're faced with decisions you make choices. My choice was to grow in my relationship with God. I went to church every Sunday. I prayed. I prayed for E, myself, my "enemies"...I prayed for everyone. But mainly I prayed for strength....to make the choices that I needed to make, whether they were the tough ones or the easy ones. I chose to grow in my relationship with my family and friends too. I've always been super close with my family and friends....but I wanted more. I needed to talk to them more....know what was going on in their lives more...to see them more...and be more involved.<br />
That saying, "God gives you what you need when you least expect it"....so true. Bri gave me the chance to better mine and E's life by moving us to WY. Leaving my home and my friends, and especially my mama was the hardest decision I've ever made....but at the end of the day, it was the best decision I could have ever made. <br />
I never thought I deserved the love that I've found. The Officer is a blessing to me and E. I've never felt loved until now. I have a happier life now....I'm happier than I've ever been. E's happier than he's been in a long time. He has a ton of friends and he's getting ready to start school. He's growing up and turning into such a little man. And although I'd rather have E here all the time, I'm happy with how things have turned out for us. I love E and The Officer....E loves me and The Officer...and The Officer loves me and E. <br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-76168975676679203022013-06-06T13:05:00.000-05:002013-06-06T13:05:57.305-05:00A Love Story...Backing It UpOkay...I'm getting ahead of myself. I KNEW there was a reason I was supposed to come to WY. In my naivety I had convinced myself it was for a fresh start at a better life for me and E....and for that I was right. I just didn't realize anyone else would be added to the equation. At least not like this.<br />
So....after Christmas E was headed to visit his dad and I was headed home...alone. And at this point my sister had moved so I wasn't going back to her
house to rest and play with nephews and then drive 4 hours...I was literally headed home...so I
cried almost the ENTIRE ride home...all freaking 8 hours. I'm not really someone who cries, but it doesn't matter who I leave E with....I cry...and this drive was bad.<br />
To say The Officer was a blessing at this point would be an understatement....he was beyond that. I was driving home...at least to WY....not to my home because it was still being renovated...so I was driving to my friend's home and they wouldn't be back from Christmas yet...and I didn't want to be there alone. I wanted to be anywhere but where I was without E. So he convinced me to drive an extra 30 minutes to his house...the town AFTER mine. And at first I didn't want to because I didn't want to be in the car another minute...let alone another 30....and I wanted to just shower and go to bed...I didn't want to talk about anything and I knew The Officer wanted to talk...he always wants to talk ;o) But I also knew I didn't want to be alone...I knew that driving the extra time and just being with someone else would be better than driving to my friend's empty house. So I went. Mind you...I keep doing things I don't want to do out here....but so far they've proven to be the best decisions.<br />
So we got to spend a lot of time that week together since I have to follow so many "rules" with E around. And although it was fun...I missed E terribly...I always do when I'm not with him...and The Officer was so great about trying to keep my mind off my emotions.<br />
Everything I thought I wanted in a partner and a step father was right in front of me....everything that I thought I would never find was staring at me....and my insecurities from my past kept creeping up. I was always told, "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is"...so what was this guys deal? Why did he seem so perfect? What the heck was he hiding? And there it was folks....my wall....built with years of hurt and heartache. Each brick laid with every selfish action and every broken promise. Boy did The Officer have his work cut out for him...and I was ready to test him. You have to be someone special to walk into a situation like mine. A single mom with a child that's old enough to know what's going on....you have to be in this for something other than a good time. I mean seriously, you want to date someone who can go out whenever and do whatever that's great....that's not me...I'm the at home every night taking care of my child kind of person...that occasionally can call a sitter but rarely does because I don't want to miss out on my time with E. It's not easy....and my ex makes everything so difficult it's disgusting. But I know in my heart that everything I do, I do it for E....and I know that whoever ends up with us crazies has to be someone special go through all this crap with us. <br />
With every day that passes....even when the ex rears his nasty head...I feel blessed to have the two men in my life that make me happier than I've ever been. The Officer and E mean more to me than anything....and going through all this crap is easier with them by my side.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-65038255814222989952013-05-08T10:40:00.000-05:002013-05-08T10:40:29.822-05:00A Love Story...The Turning PointOkay....where was I....oh yes....afraid of getting hurt. <br />
When E's dad and my relationship ended I knew deep down that it wasn't a good relationship....no love....but it hurt still....and I understand that I will never get the apology that I feel E and I deserve...and coming to terms with that has been difficult. So to say The Officer had to jump through some hoops and prove himself, well, that would be the understatement of the year. This poor guy had to EARN my trust...and it hasn't been easy...and it's still hard to let go of the hurt....but I'm learning to love again...and he's there every step of the way.<br />
So after Thanksgiving there was another banquet....Paws and Pearls. This one I got excited about because Bri got to come to this one...and we NEVER get to do anything without the kids unless its a quick lunch date. So I was excited to get dressed up and spend the evening with my friends and The Officer.<br />
At this point The Officer only had the chance to come over to my house a few times....and only after E went to sleep. If he got there before the munchkin drifted off, he patiently waited in his truck until he could come in. We would watch tv and just talk. It was the cutest thing too...he would start next to me on the couch...and would seriously inch his way over until he was RIGHT next to me...but that's as far as it went...just sitting next to each other. And I'm glad he didn't try anything...I wasn't ready for much more than a friend. And you could tell he wanted to kiss me....but I wouldn't even hug him when he left...any intimacy was too much for me...it meant I would be vulnerable...and I couldn't do it.<br />
So Paws and Pearls....way fun. Again, The Officer was extremely attentive....something I'm NOT used to....opening my door....making sure I had a drink if I needed one....made me feel like part of his group. I have never had a guy that I felt was proud to show me off...and he made me feel just that way. It felt great....so I let loose....had one too many vodka tonics....almost positive that it was vodka with a splash of tonic....and I got flirty. After the banquet everyone was headed to one of the bars. E had a sitter...I had a few drinks in me....eh why not...to the bar! I don't remember what we talked about on the way to the bar....but when we got there and The Officer came to open my door he leaned in...and I kissed him. I remember thinking to myself, "he's never going to kiss you because you'll never let him" so I had to do it myself. He says he was going to kiss me....but didn't want to because I got a little schnockered that night. Ha!<br />
Anyway, after that I let my guard down....at least a little bit. A few weeks later they were starting renovations at our house so E and I literally got kicked out and had to crash with a friend. I was so sad too...our first Christmas solo and we had to take down our tree....our decorations....everything. The Officer knew how sad I was too...and he wanted E's first Christmas in WY to be a good one....so he went shopping. He asked me for a few ideas....so I gave him a couple ideas of what E was into. Thinking he would grab one toy....nope....he got everything....every idea I gave him....he had wrapped and ready. He brought them down the day before we left for CO for Christmas....E was so excited too. He LOVED it...and I loved the fact that he went out of his way to make my child feel special. The Officer doesn't know this...but I cried myself to sleep that night...not because I was sad....but because I knew that the man I had been praying for....the one that would love me and E unconditionally....I knew I had found him. Now I knew exactly why I was drawn to make the move from OK to WY.<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-13328941335334218552013-05-06T15:48:00.001-05:002013-05-06T15:48:26.343-05:00A Love Story....Part Two<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">E
has school 3 days a week so I only leave for lunch on the days he’s at daycare
all day…so The Officer called and asked if he could come to town and take me to lunch on
Tuesday…sure, why not...I'll get a free lunch. So we went to lunch…had a good time….no big deal. I talk a lot...especially when I'm nervous....so I was talking and at one point I got side tracked and then started to go back but couldn't remember what I was saying....so I said, "What was I talking about?" And The Officer just smiled and said, "I don't know, you were smiling" I've heard it before...that I have a pretty smile...I don't believe it...it's crooked and weird...but it was nice to hear it from him.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Then I
got back to work and about an hour later I got roses and cupcakes delivered….what?!?!? No
one sends me flowers ya crazy! Especially not for no reason at all...this just
doesn’t happen…I’m cute…but not that cute…I’m cool….but not that cool. But he
makes me feel like I am.</span><br />
I've been waking up around 3 a.m. for the last few years. Sometimes I can sleep thru the night....but more than likely I'm up for about an hour around that time. I would usually just play a few games on my phone until my eyes felt heavy again I could fall back asleep. It just so happened that The Officer was working the midnight shift...so I had someone to text while I was awake. And he wanted to know EVERYTHING about me...so he just asked question after question. And it was cute....it was a constant game of 20 questions...and when he couldn't think of anything else to ask me we would play the game "ticket or no ticket" while he was working....I hate to admit it....but I've made the kid a softy....he gives out more warnings now because of that game, ha!<br />
So for a couple of weeks we would just text each other and go out to lunch occasionally. He would always talk about meeting E....and you know me...I wasn't about to let that happen...I didn't even want to get MY hopes up about this relationship...no way was I going to let him meet E. I got duped again...<br />
I was talking to him about a few things I was going to do to my house...painting, scraping the ceilings, etc but I kept forgetting to go to the hardware store to pick up some drop cloths. Well, his dad owns a furniture store here in town, so one night he just dropped by because he wanted to drop something off for me. E was busy playing in the play room so I told him he could drop it off really fast but that he couldn't stay and hang out. He said okay. Well of course by the time he got there E was done playing by himself and was out demanding that I pay attention to him...so he got to meet him. He dropped off a ton of plastic for me....which in turn made a great game for E...he would climb on his tv stand and jump into the plastic...thank Heavens I made him quit...can you imagine me having to call his dad because he hurt himself jumping into plastic?!?!?! <br />
Anyway, here was a guy....who was doing things for me and E WITHOUT me asking....when I was used to E's dad doing nothing even when I DID ask...I'm just used to doing things on my own. To me this was so weird...and I honestly didn't know how to even process it...I was so nervous of getting hurt again...and E getting hurt too. To this day his dad doesn't know how much he hurt him because of things he's done...how could I possibly give someone else the chance to hurt him again?<br />
I had to think about things...really think about things...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-30220879401701173232013-04-23T12:12:00.002-05:002013-04-23T12:12:28.148-05:00A Love Story...
<br />
Admitting faults isn't my strong suit...I'll admit I'm not perfect and I'm
at fault...but beyond that you won’t get much….and I know exactly why that is…and
I verbalized it for the first time ever just last night…and you can thank The Officer
for that…he’s amazing…and this is why…<br />
When I moved I didn’t plan on dating…anyone. I had come to terms with my
life and made the decision that E was my life…and I would devote every part of
my being to just being his mom….being the best mom and dad that any single mom
could be. I made that decision before I even moved…and I think I’ve done a
great job….E is a happy and healthy little guy…and I don’t want to pat myself
on the back too much…but I think I had a lot to do with that…just me. So when I
moved and people wanted to set me up I just kind of blew it off. PLUS I was “talking”
to B…so I paid no attention to anyone else besides E. So when things tapered
off with B I just assumed I could go back to being just mom....nope, the match-makers shifted into full gear and I got set up…on a blind
date….at a Fish and Wildlife Banquet…really?!?!?! I am by no means a “city girl”…but
I’m not exactly the outdoorsy type either! So I didn’t want to go…and I had no
intentions of going. I came up with every excuse in the book too….but The
Realtor wasn’t about to let me out of it…and when she told me how much he had
spent on the tickets I felt guilty and decided to go…on a side note I found out
he spends the money on the tickets every year and just never goes…yup, I was
duped. <br />
Anyway, I went and had a good time. It was a group date….The Realtor and The
Investigator came, as well as The Sheriff and The Ranger. And thank Heaven’s
they did…The Officer barely spoke to me! Ha! But it was a good time….he was
very attentive and courteous and made me feel like I belonged there…and it helped that he was cute ;-) <br />
E was with a
sitter…and I hate getting him a sitter…I never know if he’s going to be okay
with anyone other than me…and SURPRISE he’s completely fine without me. But I
had the sitter there at 5 so we all could meet up and head to the banquet. I
was told it wouldn’t be long either….then as 9 is rolling around I started to
get nervous and I really wanted to get home to E….so The Officer offered to
drive me to my car so I could go home and make sure E got to bed...that scored
points. <br />
So, we get to my car and he asks for my number…and although my initial
thought was “heck no…I don’t date” I figured, “Eh what’s the harm…he’ll give up
eventually”…so I gave it to him. I didn’t expect to hear from him for at least
a couple days….boy was I wrong…<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
To be continued…<o:p></o:p><br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-63020565031638436492013-01-07T17:30:00.001-06:002013-01-07T17:30:33.038-06:00ForgivenessOkay....to say I love my mother would be an understatement...that woman is the MOST amazing woman I know. Not only did she raise 4 kids by herself after my dad passed away, she has had to live with RA since she was 11...she has literally suffered her entire life with physical pain, and emotional pain, and through it all she stayed happy, positive and loving, true to herself, and faithful in her beliefs. If any of that was untrue she was good at hiding it. I have seen her deal with more than I would ever want anyone else to deal with...whether I liked them or not. I am completely humbled and in awe of that woman....and I miss her everyday that I'm away from her. The week before Christmas my friend J and I got together to make Christmas treats...and I kept saying, "This makes me miss home" because it did...my mom would always make our teachers little boxes of yummy candies for their Christmas gifts...and just smelling those smells took me back. And when I left I cried the entire way home...45 minutes. So needless to say I was READY to see my mom in Colorado for the holidays....E and I were BOTH so excited to see our Bubba. I even talked her into riding with me to meet E's dad halfway the day after Christmas...which is never a fun experience for anyone because I'm a complete wreck after leaving him....doesn't matter who I leave him with...complete wreck.<br />
And of course, we listened to klove on the radio. A question was asked to the listeners about a popular song...Forgiveness by Matthew West..."What do you do if you've asked someone for forgiveness but they choose not to forgive you?" And we listened to those that called in and my mom asked me how I felt about that question and that song. I feel very strongly that if you ask for forgiveness and the other party chooses not to forgive you, you pray for them and you move on...end of story. BUT, my mother being the trickster that she is, was trying to get at that I myself don't forgive...especially myself. E's dad will never ask for forgiveness and that's fine...he'll never admit that anything he did or does, is or was wrong....that's not him...he's one of those people that is only concerned with himself...so if it doesn't bother him, it doesn't bother him end of story...and I've accepted that and moved on. So why can't I forgive myself?<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-82182487967269858062013-01-04T11:32:00.000-06:002013-05-08T15:29:48.426-05:00Recap of 2012Holy buckets!! 2011 knocked E and I on our butts....and 2012 was a rebuilding year...and boy was it! It was a year of firsts for us and we made it amazing...and we plan on making 2013 just as amazing and memorable. I couldn't have done it without my family and friends....but more importantly without E....he's my rock in everything that keeps my head level and my focus clear. Here's just a few highlights from 2012...with 2013 promising to have more...<br />
<ul>
<li>I turned 31 and E turned 4...I am a dinosaur...</li>
<li>I attended Mac World in San Francisco...and visited Alcatraz and Fisherman's Wharf...way cool</li>
<li>Got super close with 4 of my already super close friends....they are absolutely amazing and I miss them DAILY</li>
<li>Moved E and I 850 miles away from the home we've only known</li>
<li>Bought a new car</li>
<li>E decided he was potty trained</li>
<li>Spent most of the summer with my sister and nephews...E loves being so close to them</li>
<li>Went to CNS and watched Danny race</li>
<li>Worked cattle for the first time....which also meant stepping in more cow poop than I've ever seen</li>
<li>E played on his first soccer team</li>
<li>Flew to Arizona for the first time</li>
<li>Slept in a tent....true story</li>
<li>Spent the entire month of August away from my baby....longest month of my life!</li>
<li>Cried more happy tears and sad tears than ever before</li>
<li>E started preschool...and he loves it</li>
<li>Got E a puppy</li>
<li>Went to our first hockey game</li>
<li>Got set up on a blind date for a Fish and Wildlife banquet (you read that right)...and the guy was absolutely THE nicest guy I've ever met</li>
<li>Got thrown into Accounts Payable....still learning...but so far I like it</li>
<li>Bought my very first house!!!</li>
</ul>
Nothing to write home about...and I'm sure I'm leaving a ton out....but truth be told it's been a crazy and exciting year. E and I have learned a lot about each other...learned our weaknesses and our strengths...and our love for each other has grown immensely. Without E I wouldn't have made it...and that's a fact. Of course, nowadays everything seems to be related to songs...and this reminds me what's important when I hear it...because that little guy is the reason for everything.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Sometimes it feels like, I’m gonna break<br />
Sometimes this world, gives more than I can take<br />
Sometimes, sunshine gets lost in the rain<br />
And it keeps pouring down<br />
It just keeps coming down.<br />
This life would kill me If I didn’t have you<br />
I couldn’t live without you baby<br />
I wouldn’t want to<br />
If you didn’t love me so much<br />
I’d never make it through<br />
This life would kill me If I didn’t have you</div>
<ul>
</ul>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-84737562129570067682012-12-10T11:00:00.000-06:002012-12-10T11:00:05.547-06:00Story of my life<div class="astro-tab-body">
No big secret that I'm independent....or completely content with doing things on my own...so this horoscope came as a bit of a gut punch....because I've been trying sooo hard to not be so closed off...I've pushed a lot of wonderful people away because I've always just assumed if I don't let them get too close I won't get hurt.</div>
<div class="astro-tab-body">
</div>
<div class="astro-tab-body">
Idk...I'll figure it out....eventually....</div>
<div class="astro-tab-body">
</div>
<div class="astro-tab-body">
"You might be keeping yourself somewhat detached from the people who care about you most right now -- are you sure you're not pushing them away? Right now it's important that you connect with others, not disconnect. Look into this today. Ask one or two friends if they feel you're closed off or aloof. Pick their brain for ideas on how you can open yourself up a bit more. It's about time that you trusted in others enough to show them who you really are."</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-5589457057203117422012-10-30T10:26:00.001-05:002012-10-30T10:26:38.510-05:00I love LW and Miss Ruby...yes I doIt's uncanny that these two women always know when to send me an encouraging text or email...just when I think I'm about to give up...I love them dearly and I'm so grateful that I have people that look out for me. Blessed beyond words.<br />
<br />
<h1 class="yiv895462356quoteText" id="yui_3_7_2_8_1351609841551_601">
<span id="yui_3_7_2_8_1351609841551_600" style="font-size: medium;">“Don't
you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and
happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don't
come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ,
they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in Good
Things to Come.” -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland</span></h1>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-57644430541402118172012-10-08T12:00:00.000-05:002012-10-08T12:00:19.898-05:00Sad But True<div class="astro-tab-body">
It's sometimes difficult for you to accept change -- especially when it involves saying goodbye to something (or someone) who has brought joy to your life. But things change, and people move in new directions -- and you need to accept that. Besides, the transitions that are happening in your life right now are going to have very positive long-term results. While they won't all be easy to go through, they'll do wonders for your self-confidence.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-76324184106574151112012-09-27T15:30:00.001-05:002012-09-27T15:30:14.817-05:00I'm a Twighlight fan...this can't be helped<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj582AZu6wZ1m7deZ5aX3U0ToBaGTxvXHk-PWrMdhDIBQK1rMiDJmkB8U62BDLF_YImvdewVL9zafGw-wq3_LEwECELk8yPAbzdVER2H1KVkflD4oMYxaACvpvVovaHp7EMpGcDJBMzkh4/s1600/mr+p.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj582AZu6wZ1m7deZ5aX3U0ToBaGTxvXHk-PWrMdhDIBQK1rMiDJmkB8U62BDLF_YImvdewVL9zafGw-wq3_LEwECELk8yPAbzdVER2H1KVkflD4oMYxaACvpvVovaHp7EMpGcDJBMzkh4/s200/mr+p.jpg" width="146" /></a>I blame one person and one person only....MicB. She did this....I wasn't interested in reading the books or watching the movies until her...so it's her fault entirely. But I love her for it. The actors aren't great....that's a given...but it's the feeling you get from the storyline. You don't go to the movies to watch Channing Tatum act either...you just go to stare :::twitterpated googly eyes:::<br />
Back to reality....Twighlight....so I got into it just a few months ago....just in time to be all excited about the final film coming this November.....YAY! So today driving to lunch a song came on the radio and I loved it...turns out to be a song from the movie...go freakin figure. But I had to share...because I think it's a loverly song...and you will love it too...and let's be honest, who doesn't love cheesy, romance songs that make you think of a glittery vampire?<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
Heart beats fast<br />
Colors and promises<br />
How to be brave<br />
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall<br />
But watching you stand alone<br />
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow<br />
<br />
One step closer<br />
<br />
<i>[Chorus:]</i><br />
I have died everyday waiting for you<br />
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you<br />
For a thousand years<br />
I'll love you for a thousand more<br />
<br />
Time stands still<br />
Beauty in all she is<br />
I will be brave<br />
I will not let anything take away<br />
What's standing in front of me<br />
Every breath<br />
Every hour has come to this<br />
<br />
One step closer<br />
<br />
<i>[Chorus:]</i><br />
I have died everyday waiting for you<br />
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you<br />
For a thousand years<br />
I'll love you for a thousand more<br />
<br />
And all along I believed I would find you<br />
Time has brought your heart to me<br />
I have loved you for a thousand years<br />
I'll love you for a thousand more<br />
<br />
One step closer<br />
One step closer<br />
<br />
<i>[Chorus:]</i><br />
I have died everyday waiting for you<br />
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you<br />
For a thousand years<br />
I'll love you for a thousand more<br />
<br />
And all along I believed I would find you<br />
Time has brought your heart to me<br />
I have loved you for a thousand years<br />
I'll love you for a thousand more</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-59943131848653792332012-09-26T14:29:00.000-05:002012-09-26T14:29:08.787-05:00I Thought I Was StrongerI thought I was stronger than I feel right now....so many emotions...and I don't know whether to cry...or just laugh hysterically. I miss so much...so many people...so many places....so many things. I am beyond blessed....an amazing son....a strong and loving family....encouraging and supportive friends...so whuck is going on? I have no idea....well I take that back...I have an idea...and it sucks....because I hate feeling like this.<br />
<br />
I miss Stillwater:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLGUucKaNJeR2gq33E_gJHA_kM0TXERWFEoM6IRc7PKxkBZskJIACNtbXZRuNjY8iS-GVJ6kMGdSe8zxYzmgHrWqltuiy3fsJKjCd-O64cLToP1vqZZnOjKRXldPeFHSFrcN0p76jHiWg/s1600/Sea+of+Orange.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLGUucKaNJeR2gq33E_gJHA_kM0TXERWFEoM6IRc7PKxkBZskJIACNtbXZRuNjY8iS-GVJ6kMGdSe8zxYzmgHrWqltuiy3fsJKjCd-O64cLToP1vqZZnOjKRXldPeFHSFrcN0p76jHiWg/s200/Sea+of+Orange.jpg" width="150" /></a><br />
I miss my mom more than anything. I miss knowing where I'm going without thinking about it. I miss having 2 Wal-Marts. I miss Boomer Lake. I miss game-day weekends. I miss McAlister's with K...I miss K!!! I miss card night with the girls....G, M, and R. I miss Orange Friday's. I miss Ross. I miss the Foundation...especially EB, AD, LW, JL, CL, SK, KW, CR, and LW. I miss my ward. I miss Louie's. I miss Calf Fry and College Days. I miss Meanie cat. I miss my neighborhood....and my neighbors! I miss RMCF.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmn_nDS97lFYCq4_-tXLxx9Ca8VF_zrbyPJOSKgxZcPE1_aybIN9QiIdUZlSs9f8b1iaMN7f7tDamvGpWOFTsmKUz8mfT36k1jh5w6kBZYqbUVk0JV7ddk_gR-Gr4IDIIxzhaZoNfCjkY/s1600/eskimojoe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmn_nDS97lFYCq4_-tXLxx9Ca8VF_zrbyPJOSKgxZcPE1_aybIN9QiIdUZlSs9f8b1iaMN7f7tDamvGpWOFTsmKUz8mfT36k1jh5w6kBZYqbUVk0JV7ddk_gR-Gr4IDIIxzhaZoNfCjkY/s200/eskimojoe.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />I miss Abby's blue lights. I miss talking to G....we're too far! I miss the university. I miss Walk MS. I miss Bedlam! I miss wrestling. I miss the Renaissance. I miss the Valero. I miss the rain....the thunderstorms. I miss my house....my room...my CLOSET! I miss the Tunnel Wash. I miss Daylight Donuts...I know E misses them too! I miss the campus bells!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEYjhAY1_NmFWzIHGblhPAvYsTJez_iqex5a1IB59_9Zm7sUZM7kvqOe2NMB8Ra1epyZlvs6SMTnLot0hEFJQND2Vv_6JdBD0DRPNSsNzt22pSPGjNKJdgL8YTEA6OezXD-mnGrkhdj5s/s1600/Weeden.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEYjhAY1_NmFWzIHGblhPAvYsTJez_iqex5a1IB59_9Zm7sUZM7kvqOe2NMB8Ra1epyZlvs6SMTnLot0hEFJQND2Vv_6JdBD0DRPNSsNzt22pSPGjNKJdgL8YTEA6OezXD-mnGrkhdj5s/s200/Weeden.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
I miss Main St...and Perkins....and McElroy. I miss the Sea of Orange. I miss The Strip. I miss Bad Brad's BBQ...and all the Joe's. I miss Sonic happy hour! I MISS MY MOM!!!!!!<br />
<br />
I miss so much about my hometown...every little thing that I didn't even realize existed until now. I miss my home...I miss my friends...I miss my life.<br />
<br />
I know moving was the best thing for me and E....and everyone else that was involved...and I don't regret it at all. So many wonderful things have happened because of this move....but I still miss Stillwater....and I know I'll always miss it. I'm grateful, more than anything, to have a place to call home...and I'm grateful it's Stillwater.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-69396008688788002612012-09-21T10:08:00.001-05:002012-09-21T10:09:06.871-05:00Encouraging WordsYou can't give up yet! Even if things seem especially dire, you've got
to persevere -- even if it's just to prove a point to your kids or
anyone else who's watching. You may be surprised! Your view on life has definitely been centered around the glass being
half empty for a while, but today a fresh, idealistic energy will
surround you -- and give you hope. Also, you are surrounded by people
who cherish you and you should start relying on them more than you have
been. They are in your life because they want to be there, so let them
help you! They will play a vital role in helping to turn your outlook
into a more of a glass half full one.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-70297274800631032882012-07-26T11:48:00.002-05:002012-07-26T11:48:24.056-05:00Star-gazingSo yes, we're all aware that I'm into my horoscope...but who wouldn't be if it said things they wanted to hear? What better way to blow sunshine up anyone's rear than to tell them that their life is perfect and everything is going according to plan...especially if you've had my roller coaster of a life lately...let's be honest!<br />
Well...here's today...and I couldn't be more pleased with it!<br />
"Lately you've been fighting the urge to start any new projects -- but
today is finally the right time to embrace a new idea and work on
fleshing it out. Initiate something new, and you will get the strong
sense of possibility -- the sense that you truly can shape your life in a
new way if you want to. Are you afraid of getting what you really want?
Nonsense! The universe says that any pathway you start walking down
today will lead you to enlightenment."<br />
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<![endif]-->I know exactly what my new project is and I'm ecstatic to shape my life exactly the way I want....I'm feeling a bit empowered these days...and boy does it feel GOOD!</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-76094574198207918012012-06-14T14:20:00.000-05:002012-06-14T14:20:56.008-05:00I've always loved Courtney CoxI've been reading about Courtney and David's split....my guilty pleasure = celebrity gossip...and I'm amazed when couples can be mature about splits, especially when it involves children. And part of my heart sinks because I know that the split with my ex could've been so much easier had different choices been made. Now, of course, I'm not pleading innocence at all...but I have to remember that this split wasn't my idea...it was his...and although I agree now that it was the best thing for everyone, I still don't agree with the way he handled things. From going out and partying, to bringing a third person into the picture before anything was settled, to choosing everything in the world over our son...I struggle every day with the thought that I spent so much time and energy on someone that has zero respect for me or our child, which by default makes me have no respect for him. His choices don't bother him, his family, or his friends, and that's still extremely painful...to think that something that was once so sacred means absolutely nothing. Courtney once said about David, "He's my favorite person in the world. He's my best friend. No matter what happens in our future, he's my very best friend." I only wish I could say the same about my ex. But, what's done is done...and there's no going back and changing anything....that's all there is to it. Sad, but true.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-69146028859495650372012-05-03T10:47:00.000-05:002012-05-03T12:02:23.567-05:00These chucks were made for walking...<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL87YLgYhkMmsM8w1hpuKolOstwBxkQT9Rnm4alV4Bn4EhtkFUyVc83aNWpNxgUPPdxA7dX6VOJrgG8kdw-_pRftEsWJyEIvC-uSbEhgD5B8rCPzD1Av9R4PVDgVFpHD6tq0xiHfDf2oQ/s1600/Chucks.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL87YLgYhkMmsM8w1hpuKolOstwBxkQT9Rnm4alV4Bn4EhtkFUyVc83aNWpNxgUPPdxA7dX6VOJrgG8kdw-_pRftEsWJyEIvC-uSbEhgD5B8rCPzD1Av9R4PVDgVFpHD6tq0xiHfDf2oQ/s200/Chucks.JPG" width="200" /></a>I've been thinking about this post for awhile now - not sure how to write it, or even if I should. It really is a sensitive subject right now and I've had to keep a few things to myself. We all know I internalize a lot - my sister gets to hear the majority of all my struggles - but everyone else is kept in the dark. A few friends who know me well enough to know something is wrong, know - but they don't dare force me to talk about it. <br />
E and I are moving. This wasn't a quick decision - it was very thought out, prayed about, and an extremely overanalyzed (on my part) decision. I've weighed every option - made my pros and cons lists (like a good Capricorn would) and when it comes down to it, this move is a good move for me and E - and that is my main priority. We are very excited to be closer to my sister and nephews - but far enough that we have our own space.<br />
I feel strongly that this is what is supposed to happen. I feel very blessed with this opportunity and I'm looking forward to the future.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-36636912736895966292012-03-16T15:48:00.000-05:002012-03-16T15:48:49.594-05:00My little Cancer...So a while ago I posted about my sign and how it really does describe me...almost to a "T"...so as I was a bit taken back by how creepy and dead on my zodiac sign was....I checked out E's...here's what I have to look forward to...<br />
<ul><li>As a cancer you sometimes get negative on life for no reason.</li>
<li>Cancers are romantics and are difficult to deal with in the beginning, but once in love, they're easy to get along with.</li>
<li>Although cancers have pride in their skills, they frequently find themselves uncertain.</li>
<li>Cancers are very predictable and usually stick to routine.</li>
<li>Cancers can peer into the hearts of people and determine their inner thoughts and wishes.</li>
<li>Cancers are best at picking the perfect moment to do or say something.</li>
<li>As a cancer you don't like it when you're pressured to say or do something or when you are put on the spot.</li>
<li>Cancers will choose someone who can understand them as best as possible.</li>
<li>Cancers can always spot the difference between sincere compliments and the ones intended simply to persuade.</li>
<li>As a cancer you appear cool and composed but underneath you may feel unsure of yourself and not good enough.</li>
<li>Cancer is a faithful friend and will give up their own comfort to help out another.</li>
<li>Even though Cancers like new things, they love what they already have.</li>
</ul>And my favorite...<br />
<ul><li>As a Cancer you're not one to initiate a fight, but you're a fierce opponent when provoked.</li>
</ul>Awesome...this explains soooooooo much!<br />
<ul></ul>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-7850015882214531212012-03-10T14:57:00.000-06:002012-03-10T14:57:57.373-06:00Some of my favorite inspirations...<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I've been slacking again...and I know...but I haven't had a lot going on besides the mundane crap that goes on week to week...so I'm taking a minute to be inspired...and I want to share a few of my favorite inspirational quotes....sayings...whatever you want to call it...the things that give me a warm fuzzy :o)<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I can be changed by what happens to me. I refuse to be reduced by it.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Love me without restriction, trust me without fear, want me without demand and accept me for who I am.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The one who falls and gets up is so much stronger than the one who never fell.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Don't ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, and my kindness for weakness.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure the difficult one.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.. Give your best anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When we put our problems in God's hands, He puts His peace in our hearts.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What comes easy, won't always last. And what will last, won't always come easy.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Welcome the unexpected changes in life. Learn to bend with grace and humility. Grow through it all and never forget to take notice of the beauty changes can bring.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It takes a strong heart to love, but it takes an even stronger heart to love after it’s been broken.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Smile when you're hurt. Laugh when you want to cry. Have faith in yourself when nothing seems right. Believe in your heart. Trust that even though it’s hard now, in the end you’ll be okay.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-58444379605828155622012-02-15T23:18:00.001-06:002012-02-16T07:14:31.379-06:00Delusional...I knowSo I've slacked...I know...you're completely disappointed in me...I'll make it up to you...but for now, just believe me that it's been a crazy few weeks around here...and I'm STILL trying to get back to a routine!<br />
<br />
Okay...don't judge...but I've been a ROLLERCOASTER of an emotional ball today...and it started around 2:30 this morning...I just woke up...and couldn't stop crying...no idea why...just couldn't stop. And I try...I do...I try so hard not to cry...because let's be honest...it's not attractive...no one likes the red puffy eyes...no one likes to try and console someone who just can't stop crying...it's not fun for anyone...but I couldn't help it...the tears just kept coming! <br />
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And when I get to that point where I can't just STOP the waterworks I pray...I pray because I don't expect my Heavenly Father to just make me happy, or give me what I so selfishly ask for...I just pray because I don't want to hurt anymore...end of story...I know I'm a strong person, I know that "time heals", I'm an extremely rational and realistic person...but I hurt sometimes...and it sucks...and I'm just ready for something good to happen to me.<br />
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I had to give E to his dad this morning...and today of all days was the day I needed him here the most...but I can't be selfish and keep him from his time with his dad...and that made it double suck today. I had a friend the other day tell me that she honestly believes there is not one vindictive bone in my body...and there's not...I know that...I'm a schmuck who lets people treat her like poo and STILL end up apologizing...but I WISH there was a really mean bone somewhere in me...I WISH I could just be mean...to be able to stand up for myself...and actually STICK to it. I always tell everyone, if you don't like the way someone is treating you it's okay to tell them 'hey, this isn't nice and I don't like it'...now if that doesn't show I'm a schmuck I don't know what will...because I can't do that myself! And it makes me so mad!<br />
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I love my life...I do...I have an amazing son...an amazing family....amazing friends...there is no reason I should ever feel like my life isn't amazing...but today...OH MY GAH today...it just SUCKED! <br />
<br />
I have another friend, who bless his heart...well no, maybe not bless his heart...because I'm not sure if I can believe much of what he says anymore...but he states that he can't be alone...so he fills the void with whatever is available...and that makes me sad...but I can't say that I'm much different...I'm different, but not much. I'm never alone...always surrounded with friends or family...which is never a bad thing...if I didn't have the support system that I have I would be an emotionally exhausted and miserable person...and I know that. BUT I do get lonely...every Tuesday night...when I come home without my child. That's when things start to get lonely and my emotions tend to make themselves known. <br />
<br />
I don't sleep much on Tuesday nights...my mind wanders...it's too quiet in the house...even when I leave the TV on or the dog is snoring...my mind wanders and my heart hurts. I miss my child and the comfort I get from him...not my ex...but my constant companion. So, 125 days ago...and I know it's 125 bc my twitter told me...but this guy started following my tweets...no clue how or why...and he says I started following him...but I don't add a lot of people on my twitter...because I’m not very good at tweeting...but anyway, about 9 days ago I learned something new about the ex (because I’m learning that a lot of our relationship, or lack thereof, was a lie) and so I tweeted something about not liking someone more than ever...and he tweeted back asking what was going on...nbd...he's LDS...lives in UT...only 24...so he's harmless...no worries...but I messaged back...and those of you who know me...know that I would never in a million years ever do that...so this was weird.<br />
<br />
And he's so nice...and at 24 he checks up on me...instead of me being the mother! And although that freaks me out...just a little bit...maybe it's what I need right now...no I'm not "falling" for this guy...get real...he's 24 and lives in UT...but it's nice to talk to someone who doesn't know me, but asks about me...even if he's not interested in me...he's not making me feel like a schmuck and that's nice. It gives me hope that maybe, just maybe I'll find the guy that I need in my life. I'm not looking for perfect...I'm just looking for perfect for me...and E. <br />
<br />
Knowing that he's LDS and an RM has made me think about my faith. I still listen to KLove all the time, because I still can't listen to any other music without feeling like crap...and today I heard a song that made sense to me...for the last 5 months I've felt lonely and heartbroken at least once a week on the day E's with his dad...and you know I pray...because I just want to be comforted...not by anything superficial that will only temporarily fill the void...because we all know I'm not ready to date anyone...oy vey...and I can't even tell you what the song is called because I didn't catch it the first time when they were talking about it...and I've searched KLove's website trying to find it...with no luck...but I heard it on the way home from the movies tonight...and the line that spoke to me...that mind you I can't remember exactly how it went...but it was something similar to "when you're broken hearted or hurting, it's then that I'm near you"...and that means so much to me...because all those times I've cried to not hurt anymore...because I know my heart is broken...all those times I felt like my Heavenly Father was trying to teach me to be stronger was really him trying to get me to let go and just be comforted by Him.<br />
<br />
I have a lot of responsibility...and I have to be strong for so many people...and for so many reasons...but my tweeter friend asked me what I was looking for in a guy...and the first thing that came to my mind was, I want to find someone that finally makes me feel like I can be vulnerable...that I don't always have to be the strong one...that doesn't show emotion...that pushes my feelings aside because someone else's are more important...and I don't want to lose myself completely or come across like I'm no longer concerned with my family or friends...I love being someone they can depend on and come to...but I'm learning (at least today) that I deserve to just let everything out and be comforted. And of course I cried...lol, no surprise today...but it finally felt good to cry....because even though I look at me crying as a weakness I could honestly feel the comfort I've been needing for so long...and it felt so good...it wasn't a hug from someone special...or a kiss on the cheek...but it was a comfort that I haven't felt lately.<br />
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I know my heart still hurts...and I know that one day I'll find the one I'm supposed to be with...the one who finally lets me be me...and I know that because I feel my Heavenly Father's love...and I'm allowing myself to feel it…and I'm going to be a better person, a better mom, better daughter, sister, and friend because of that love.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-90518854275819042792012-01-19T22:30:00.002-06:002012-01-22T14:45:07.834-06:00Looking for humor...Okay...so this week I finally got INTO my 30's.....yaaaaay!!!<br />
<br />
And it hasn't been so bad...except the whole ex introducing his girlfriend of 3 months to my child...but then again I guess 3 months IS a serious relationship to a 22 yr old...so whatever...I'm looking for the humor in my daily shenanigans with the ex...he's not taking anything seriously...so why should I? Bleh...but seriously...I'm learning to relax and find the humor in his stupidity...this should be fun! We all know what he's thinking with...and I think we can all agree it's NOT his head :::smiley face wink:::<br />
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I haven't even cried about it...although I did manage to make my friend cry about it. She feels so bad for the crap I have to deal with...and bless her heart, because I totally agree that dealing with him is ridiculous...but really...what can I do? I have many more years to come of dealing with his craptastic antics...so here's to a life that will NEVER fall short of entertaining...and the urge to slap the crap out of someone :::raises glass...clink:::<br />
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I know that E is only 3...and with a little grace and a lot of luck he won't remember his dad ever acting like a tard...at least I pray that he's as naive as his mama! I want him to look for the good in people...and trust that people are honest...and I want him to STILL look for the good in people when they prove to NOT be honest. I want him to stand up for what's right...even if it means he stands alone. I want him to know that people do stupid things without thinking about them...but I also want him to know that those stupid things aren't okay...that you need to think about what you're doing...you need to be aware that every choice you make has an impact on others...good or bad.<br />
<br />
Here's the humor for today...I was messaging the ex's mother, discussing next week and my concern with leaving E with them because of what had happened yesterday....and she literally messaged "I hope that one day you'll be happy..." whuck!?!?!? Why does everyone in that family think I'm not happy? Because I feel like what they're doing and how they're handling this is slightly on the careless side? I'm extremely disappointed in a lot of their choices...but I understand that I can't control them...I have to accept that they don't see things my way. I just wish they'd understand that I AM happy. I'm home with my child every night...the only good thing about my ex...is home with ME every night. Just because I'm not jumping into a relationship doesn't mean I'm not happy.<br />
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The ex and I are polar opposites...it's glaringly obvious at this point...I don't need to go from relationship to relationship...I'm completely capable of standing on my own two feet...of taking care of my responsibilities before myself. He's not...he can't be "single"...it's impossible...just ask his family...they'll even tell you about his "track record"...and that's what I think is humorous...that everyone (but me) is okay with him being stupid about things because that's "just him"...whatever...he can date who he wants...he can do what he wants...but my child is better than the choices he's making...and my child deserves better than what he's getting. The ex is turning out to be more like his tard cousin than I realized...and I'm sorry...but I refuse to let the ex treat my child like his cousin treated his son. And as of yesterday I don't trust him anymore...and I'm putting my foot down, for my child...I may not be able to control the situation...but by golly I'm not going to just sit back and let him drag my child through his crap.<br />
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So have a good laugh at my expense...because I can almost guarantee that this is just the beginning...and it's going to get MUCH more entertaining. So grab your soda, your candy and your popcorn...sit back with me...and enjoy the show...because those of you who know me will be laughing at the same crap :::smiley face wink:::Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-5659250176125211372012-01-08T18:14:00.000-06:002012-01-08T18:14:53.355-06:00Healing your heartOkay...so I didn't exactly pay much attention in church today...I know...naughty naughty...BUT I have a slightly good excuse...<br />
<br />
Today the preacher was talking about healing your heart...and the only person who can do that is...you guessed it, Jesus. He talked about how going to church was good, studying the scriptures, prayer, and a whole list of other things (told you..I quit listening)...and they help...but only Jesus can heal your heart.<br />
<br />
Okay...I partly stopped listening because I kept laughing (in my head) because of the conversation that Jersey and I had a couple months ago...friends will remember this...the one where he told me God answered my prayers with him (no I do not pray for men)...because he's going to heal my heart and we're going to live happily ever after....wah wah wah...yes...I want my fairytale...but not in the GTL form...sorry Jersey...we're just friends...k thx bye.<br />
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Anywhoooo....I also had a hard time listening because I was thinking of all the ways I thought I was healing my own heart...and how I've always felt something was missing. Let's see if I can make sense...<br />
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The ex deals with our demise differently...he went out to the bars and jumped into a relationship with another girl...I don't know what goes through his head..I know what I see and I think he handled everything poorly....but at the same time...I'm not him...obviously.<br />
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I've taken, and am still taking, the time to figure out what's best for E...and me...and just trying to get my schmidt together. My friends will tell you I'm doing a great job...and most days I feel like I am...but just like any process that involves emotions some days are better than others. So...I go to church...I haven't sworn off men...but I'm not looking to get hitched any day soon...I'm not even sure dating is an option :::scary:::...I've surrounded myself with wonderful friends, for both E and me...I've prayed...and prayed...and prayed....I've done things for me that I haven't done in a LOOOOOOONG time :::pretty nails:::: and I've just tried to figure out what I really want...what's best for me and E.<br />
<br />
But something is missing...and I was compelled to go talk to the preacher after church..but I couldn't bring myself to do it...but let's be honest, I only get to see K's family every so often so even heading to Taco Bell compelled me more...<br />
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I'm not sure how long this healing process will take...because I don't <em>feel </em>like I'm hanging on to a relationship that isn't there...I don't <em>feel</em> like I'm in a bad place...but I don't know when I'll find peace. Even when I start to think that whatever is happening "isn't right"...that whatever the ex is doing is stupid...or whatever random thought that enters my head...because I know deep down what's right...E deserves two parents that adore him, regardless if they're together or not.<br />
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I'm the one who's worked with an attorney on custody and visitation...and all that other super fun stuff...so I proposed a new visitation schedule that I think will work best for everyone...of course I can't say what I want to out loud...or even on facebook or twitter or here...so I text my friend G...who always knows exactly what to say...so after I made her laugh she just told me to "keep on keeping on"...and that's what I plan on doing. <br />
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There's light at the end of my tunnel...and my heart is getting stronger every day...and it's only a matter of time that whatever is meant to happen will happen...as crappy as my life seems some days...it's completely perfect to me...heartbreak and all :o)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282241487260463609.post-34668485107116294872012-01-03T23:10:00.001-06:002012-01-04T22:50:44.010-06:00Here's my sign...So here's the creepy, accurate descriptions of a capricorn...and a few that are WAY off...see if you can figure me out...<br />
<ul><li>Capricorns take things one step at a time; do not expect them to jump into anything headfirst.</li>
<li>Capricorns humor may be dry, but it is very funny and has a way of coming out when others least anticipate it.</li>
<li>If a capricorn ever suffers from insecurity, you will be the very last to be informed on it.</li>
<li>Humble and industrious, capricorns are not afraid of starting small and working their way up from the very bottom.</li>
<li>Capricorns at times have a tendency of being rude to their partners, so they need someone who is not intimidated by their temper.</li>
<li>Capricorns are all about completing their plans. They don't talk about them, they do them.</li>
<li>Capricorns prefer older and intelligient lovers.</li>
<li>At times a capricorn can be a bit awkward in their romances, but it comes off as cute.</li>
<li>If you want to attract a capricorn woman appear stern, aloof and disconnected.</li>
<li>If you want to turn off a capricorn, be belligerent, sluggish and spineless.</li>
<li>In a serious relationship, capricorns are faithful although prone to jealousy.</li>
<li>Capricorns are great organizers and have the ability to work on several projects simultaneously.</li>
<li>A capricorn has a focused mind with the ability to handle crisis situations and get things done.</li>
<li>As a capricorn you look for assurance and certainty and have a tendency to see things in black and white.</li>
<li>Capricorns are natural worriers. Even when they've taken all the precautions they can possibly take, capricorns fret that they've forgotten something.</li>
<li>A capricorn needs a partner who is serious, but at times can be lighthearted who will simply make them laugh.</li>
<li>Capricorns can be very independent. They don't like being told what to do or how to do it.</li>
<li>As a capricorn you may feel you can only depend on yourself.</li>
<li>You can talk about anything, but do not poke your nose into capricorns feelings. When they feel secure and safe, they will open up.</li>
<li>Capricorns self-sufficiency is usually mistaken for apathy, and they are not as cold as they seem. They like to do things on their own so there is no worry about something not being completed.</li>
<li>A capricorn finds it extremely easy to merge into a group and will look like one of its original members.</li>
<li>Capricorns have tons of masks they present to the world; they are known as distant and unresponsive, however, this is them hiding themselves.</li>
<li>A capricorn who has once had their trust betrayed, by anyone, takes a long time to heal.</li>
<li>Capricorns weaknesses: reserved, snobbish, and picky</li>
<li>Capricorns are patient, reliable, careful, ambitious, and practical.</li>
<li>A capricorn female hates careless errors. It's like get it right or don't bother trying.</li>
<li>Capricorns are essentailly melancholy types who could do with a boost.</li>
<li>A capricorn is a delightful debater, has a tough exterior, does not give second chances, has swinging moods, loves perfection and has high expectations.</li>
<li>Capricorns are stubborn and skeptical. They hold grudges, are never satisfied, can be pessimistic, over ambitious and insatiable.</li>
</ul>And of course....my favorite...<br />
<ul><li>A capricorn woman is a class act. The most self-composed, least showy lady in the zodiac.</li>
</ul>If you want to check out your sign....go <a href="http://zodiacchic.tumblr.com/#axzz1iYSQHJWY" target="_blank">here</a>.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09822757338900895970noreply@blogger.com0