A Love Story...The Turning Point

Okay....where was I....oh yes....afraid of getting hurt.
When E's dad and my relationship ended I knew deep down that it wasn't a good relationship....no love....but it hurt still....and I understand that I will never get the apology that I feel E and I deserve...and coming to terms with that has been difficult. So to say The Officer had to jump through some hoops and prove himself, well, that would be the understatement of the year. This poor guy had to EARN my trust...and it hasn't been easy...and it's still hard to let go of the hurt....but I'm learning to love again...and he's there every step of the way.
So after Thanksgiving there was another banquet....Paws and Pearls. This one I got excited about because Bri got to come to this one...and we NEVER get to do anything without the kids unless its a quick lunch date. So I was excited to get dressed up and spend the evening with my friends and The Officer.
At this point The Officer only had the chance to come over to my house a few times....and only after E went to sleep. If he got there before the munchkin drifted off, he patiently waited in his truck until he could come in. We would watch tv and just talk. It was the cutest thing too...he would start next to me on the couch...and would seriously inch his way over until he was RIGHT next to me...but that's as far as it went...just sitting next to each other. And I'm glad he didn't try anything...I wasn't ready for much more than a friend. And you could tell he wanted to kiss me....but I wouldn't even hug him when he left...any intimacy was too much for me...it meant I would be vulnerable...and I couldn't do it.
So Paws and Pearls....way fun. Again, The Officer was extremely attentive....something I'm NOT used to....opening my door....making sure I had a drink if I needed one....made me feel like part of his group. I have never had a guy that I felt was proud to show me off...and he made me feel just that way. It felt great....so I let loose....had one too many vodka tonics....almost positive that it was vodka with a splash of tonic....and I got flirty. After the banquet everyone was headed to one of the bars. E had a sitter...I had a few drinks in me....eh why not...to the bar! I don't remember what we talked about on the way to the bar....but when we got there and The Officer came to open my door he leaned in...and I kissed him. I remember thinking to myself, "he's never going to kiss you because you'll never let him" so I had to do it myself. He says he was going to kiss me....but didn't want to because I got a little schnockered that night. Ha!
Anyway, after that I let my guard down....at least a little bit. A few weeks later they were starting renovations at our house so E and I literally got kicked out and had to crash with a friend. I was so sad too...our first Christmas solo and we had to take down our tree....our decorations....everything. The Officer knew how sad I was too...and he wanted E's first Christmas in WY to be a good one....so he went shopping. He asked me for a few ideas....so I gave him a couple ideas of what E was into. Thinking he would grab one toy....nope....he got everything....every idea I gave him....he had wrapped and ready. He brought them down the day before we left for CO for Christmas....E was so excited too. He LOVED it...and I loved the fact that he went out of his way to make my child feel special. The Officer doesn't know this...but I cried myself to sleep that night...not because I was sad....but because I knew that the man I had been praying for....the one that would love me and E unconditionally....I knew I had found him. Now I knew exactly why I was drawn to make the move from OK to WY.


A Love Story....Part Two

E has school 3 days a week so I only leave for lunch on the days he’s at daycare all day…so The Officer called and asked if he could come to town and take me to lunch on Tuesday…sure, why not...I'll get a free lunch. So we went to lunch…had a good time….no big deal. I talk a lot...especially when I'm nervous....so I was talking and at one point I got side tracked and then started to go back but couldn't remember what I was saying....so I said, "What was I talking about?" And The Officer just smiled and said, "I don't know, you were smiling" I've heard it before...that I have a pretty smile...I don't believe it...it's crooked and weird...but it was nice to hear it from him.
Then I got back to work and about an hour later I got roses and cupcakes delivered….what?!?!? No one sends me flowers ya crazy! Especially not for no reason at all...this just doesn’t happen…I’m cute…but not that cute…I’m cool….but not that cool. But he makes me feel like I am.
I've been waking up around 3 a.m. for the last few years. Sometimes I can sleep thru the night....but more than likely I'm up for about an hour around that time. I would usually just play a few games on my phone until my eyes felt heavy again I could fall back asleep. It just so happened that The Officer was working the midnight shift...so I had someone to text while I was awake. And he wanted to know EVERYTHING about me...so he just asked question after question. And it was cute....it was a constant game of 20 questions...and when he couldn't think of anything else to ask me we would play the game "ticket or no ticket" while he was working....I hate to admit it....but I've made the kid a softy....he gives out more warnings now because of that game, ha!
So for a couple of weeks we would just text each other and go out to lunch occasionally. He would always talk about meeting E....and you know me...I wasn't about to let that happen...I didn't even want to get MY hopes up about this relationship...no way was I going to let him meet E. I got duped again...
I was talking to him about a few things I was going to do to my house...painting, scraping the ceilings, etc but I kept forgetting to go to the hardware store to pick up some drop cloths. Well, his dad owns a furniture store here in town, so one night he just dropped by because he wanted to drop something off for me. E was busy playing in the play room so I told him he could drop it off really fast but that he couldn't stay and hang out. He said okay. Well of course by the time he got there E was done playing by himself and was out demanding that I pay attention to him...so he got to meet him. He dropped off a ton of plastic for me....which in turn made a great game for E...he would climb on his tv stand and jump into the plastic...thank Heavens I made him quit...can you imagine me having to call his dad because he hurt himself jumping into plastic?!?!?!
Anyway, here was a guy....who was doing things for me and E WITHOUT me asking....when I was used to E's dad doing nothing even when I DID ask...I'm just used to doing things on my own. To me this was so weird...and I honestly didn't know how to even process it...I was so nervous of getting hurt again...and E getting hurt too. To this day his dad doesn't know how much he hurt him because of things he's done...how could I possibly give someone else the chance to hurt him again?
I had to think about things...really think about things...