Never without children...

Okay....so it's uber early on NYE....and I can't sleep. No worries...this is totally normal when E's not at home. Grandma took him for the weekend so I could try and have a normal Single Mom type of new years...which totally means playing cards with the girls in Mickey's garage...with her jet engine of a heater....wine...beer....and her belting singing a combination of The Lonely Island and Brad Paisley...I've said it before and I'll say it again...who wouldn't want to be me and live my glamorous life? I. Don't. Know.

BUT this is good...my friends are always there asking me to do something when they know I'm E-less....because let's be honest...no one wants me sitting at home doing ANOTHER load of laundry and checking my phone every 5 seconds to see if Grandma sent me a pic of my sweetheart...but seriously...how stinkin cute is my sweetheart?!?!?!?

I had Friday off and was planning on getting my nails fixed prettified so I quit looking like a 9 yr old girl who picks at her nail polish....so I ended up taking a friends daughters with me to get manicures for their Christmas present....and Ro likes to let me live vicariously through her because I play in the dirt and with cars and trains all the time. Love my boy....but manicures with him are a no-go.

I love Ro's girls...they are SO fun...and they say the funniest things...which I can't repeat what Sister says because I get her in trouble...she's a HOOT! And Bay is such a sweetheart....she's so quiet and reserved and just loves to listen to me talk...and they both smile ALL the TIME....they melt you...I loves them!

After mani's I headed to my favorite place to volunteer....Multi...we call it volunteering...but it's really just another friend who occupies my time...Rachel loves to put me to work and oddly enough I enjoy what she asks me to do...although there are days I feel more like a janitor than a super cute helper :::looks up and ponders::: oh well...I guess it keeps me busy so who cares. Yesterday she had an easy job for me, prepping a mailer....intense I know. So I turned on the tv....to watch QVC and HSN...because the city only gives you so many channel options and let's be honest....day time tv SUCKS...and Rach pulled up YouTube....a winning combination for everyone :::smiley face wink:::

No worries...the fun didn't stop there...after work volunteering ended we headed to get her baby...realizing that it doesn't matter if my child is with me or not...I'm always with someone who has a child....except with Amber Dawn...but she only likes to hang out with me when I have E anyway...anywhooo, we get Mr K and head to shop a bit...but Mr K was NOT in the mood to shop...so we quit, got pizza and headed home to watch a movie...which played in the background...but we were too busy being entertained by Mr K trying to walk in my boots and Rach was making cookies...we all suffer from short attention spans... 

The rest of the night was spent planning our next road trip to CO....seriously...can't get enough of that state right now...Love. It. One of these days I may not come back from CO...

OMG

Tuesday = crappy day.....but ever since then things have been pretty peachy....and yes Perk it was ALLLLLL because you sent me texts trying to convince me to join eHarmony (why, I'm still not entirely sure...) but whatever....again, thank you.

Or...it could just be because I'm surrounded by people who make me laugh...all the time...at home....at work...online...

I follow some pretty cool blogs....I just read the post by BoyMommy...either click the link on the left of my page....or here if you're lazy. This post had me rolling...you'll enjoy it...I promise.

Today sucked...

to say the least.

Apparently I didn't get the memo that nothing would go right today and everything would get twisted. I'm putting one foot in front of the other here people...I'm doing the best I can, without alcohol...give me a break.

Things change...and I have no control over that...but I'm tired of being told to get over it or to deal with it...no one's telling the problem to do anything...which I know is because I'm the one that makes it happen...I'm the only one that is dealing with this crap...and I'm the only one looking out for E. But freakin A...cut me some slack...if you don't want to choose sides, fine....but you need to be able to at least back someone...because I can't be the only one who thinks that somethings wrong here and needs to be dealt with...but I can't be the one who is solely responsible for dealing with it either.

I've been trying to move forward for the last few months....someone else is the reason we're at a standstill here...and I refuse to be held accountable for that.

UGH! Tomorrow better be better!

Merry Christmas

Enjoy your time with the ones you love. Merry Christmas!!

100 random things...why not

I had some extra time on my hands last night while I was sitting around the house before I headed to a friends house to forget that my child wasn't home, so here you have it...100 random things about me, cause I love randomness!!!

1. I hate being on the outside of an "inside" joke.

2. I am in love with Jeff Dunham...never gets old.

3. I have the coldest nose...seriously, always cold.

4. I hate that I have a closet full of shoes, yet I wear my boots, running shoes and flip flops more than anything. I feel like I wasted money.

5. I love buying fun things for my friends that remind me of them.

6. I sing...all the time...even though I can't carry a tune.

7. Pinterst is one of my favorite things...addicted.

8. I NEVER wear lipstick.

9. I hate that I don't decorate for holidays....but I'm working on it.

10. I love my family...my world revolves around those I love.

11. I know that Heavenly Father loves me.

12. I'm glad I have the friends I have...still amazes me.

13. I don't understand why I picked my major in college...I take that back...I do know...but I wish I had chosen something different...but then I wouldn't have met Britton...and she's amazing...so nevermind...my major is fine.

14. I love snow cones.

15. I have my mom's forehead....nose...smile...yeah, pretty much everything...no question I belong to her.

16. I love watching "The Bachelor & The Bachelorette," love it! Yes, my mom taught me better.

17. I wish I were a professional photographer...I would have so many more pictures of E if I was good at it.

18. I love making and keeping friends...I love people...I talk to random people...however, I'm uber quiet around people I know I'll have to see again...weird.

19. I am extremely OCD....and when I feel like I can't control something I feel like crying.

20. I am not intimidated easily...you wouldn't know that though.

21. I am NOT a butt kisser...don't mistake my kindness for this...I was raised well by my mother.

22. If I don't like someone, they usually know it...I'm horrible at "faking it"

23. I could eat green peppers all the time...my favorite veggie!

24. My kid cracks me up...I need to start writing down what he says.

25. I wish I had my friend K's legs...those suckers go on for DAYS!

26. I am in love with the snickers commercials...hilarious...at least to me.

27. I wish I could stop buying socks...I have a ton of themed socks...and only about a dozen white socks....and yes, I wore the zebra knee highs with my capris JUST to embarrass my sister...serves her right for calling me dorky...she's lucky I didn't wear my flip flops too ;o)

28. I love movies...although now I have a slightly skewed view on what life should actually be like...

29. I scratch my head all the time...not because it itches...I just like the feeling.

30. I always wanted my name to be Samantha growing up...no clue why....but I'm in love with my name now...the whole thing...especially my middle and last name...if I ever get married I'm not sure I'll change my last name...I love it too much.

31. I hate when I can't fix things myself...calling a professional is always a last resort.

32. I've never dated a guy that didn't drive a truck.

33. I've only dated 4 guys in my life...and I can't decide if that's cool or dorky...

34. My mothers quirks secretly make me happy.

35. I hate that I have sensitive ears....I LOVE earrings.

36. My sister could beat the crap out of me...yet she's refrained for so many years...

37. I'm allergic to Spring...all of it...I love not being able to smell anything for 3 whole months. :::insert sarcasm:::

38. I get my lefts and rights mixed up all of the time.

39. I seriously have the cutest child ever...melts my heart just to look at him.

40. I wish I knew how to play tennis...it looks so fun.

41. I love my laugh...snort and all...but it's dorky so I'll tell you I hate it...but I love it...because it's mine.

42. I love E's laugh more...it's so innocent and genuine.

43. I am easily entertained...but that's totally obvious.

44. I repeat random things...it's one of my New Year's resolutions to quit...it's starting to drive me nuts.

45. I am a bit of a control freak....although I'm learning to relax and just let things happen...good or bad.

46. I love when my brother's tell me they love me...they're "Men" so it's so few and far between that I'm on a complete high when they blurt it out :::eeeep:::

47. I look forward to having one of those motorized wheelchairs when I get older...heck yes.

48. I get self conscious when I'm not even trying to impress anyone.

49. I say a prayer everytime I see a helicopter, an ambulance, or a firetruck.

50. I like cookie dough better than cooked cookies...my hips can confirm that.

51. If I won the lottery I would still work...maybe just part time though.

52. I have been blessed with a strong family.

53. I wear my feelings on my sleeve...and can be completely naive at times...all the time actually.

54. I have a lot of moles...I'm Swedish...I got the blonde hair and moles...coulda used the boobs though!

55. I love them because my mom always told me they were beauty marks.

56. I drive slow...especially when I'm carrying special cargo.

57. I was subpeonaed to testify during a divorce when I was 16 years old...most uncomfortable day of my life.

58. I don't understand Scientology at all.

59. I love pretzels and diet coke.

60. I've always felt like my lucky number was 116...but really it's just my birthday and I love it.

61. I was convinced I was going to marry an ex because our birthdays were both 11681...mine in January and his in November.

62. I choose to be in denial at times...ignorance really can be bliss at times.

63. I've replaced all my swear words with code words so E doesn't learn the real ones...he may go to school saying "marsha farsha"...but at least he won't be saying mother effer...I'm smart like that.

64. My child may or may not get his dorkiness from me...I'll never tell...

65. I love going to lunch with my friends.

66. I miss my 96 Honda like you wouldn't believe.

67. I loved growing up in Stillwater.

68. I think about moving out of Stillwater daily though.

69. I can stress out over something to the point where I feel like vomitting.

70. I am not good at come backs...After the Fact Cara should REALLY be my nickname.

71. I skipped my 10 yr high school reunion.

72. I think my feet are cute...even though I hate that they're so big!...size 10...bleh

73. I never thought I had a specific "type" of guy I was attracted to...until recently.

74. I try hard to hide when I'm sad...there are about 3 people who can flat out tell without me saying a word...they just know...and I love them for knowing me that well.

75. My sister is one of those people...and I love her more than anything because although I'm 30 yrs old...if I'm crying she always asks if I want her to jump in her car and come to me...she lives 10 hrs away...I love her. LOVE her.

76. I hate when I have something really important to tell someone and I forget the second I see them.

77. I am not a fan of hairy men.

78. To this day I regret quitting piano.

79. I love when people can make me laugh...it's such a good feeling.

80. I want a tattoo so badly...but I know I'd regret it the second I couldn't wash it off.

81. I was told I would quit growing at 5' 5"...I'm 5' 8"...yup, I always do what I'm not supposed to do...

82. I hate when I can't find pants long enough.

83. I wish I didn't know some of the things I know about some people...just saying.

84. I get motion sickness bad...to the point that watching my child spin makes me sick.

85. I wish I had more time to read.

86. I hate driving through Kansas...the wind is ridiculous.

87. I seriously can't get enough of Jeff Dunham....I'm watching him now...

88. I have the smallest bladder ever...road trips are uber fun with me.

89. I am so proud of my mother, my sister, and my brothers....they amaze me...and they deserve great things.

90. I have a slight addiction/love affair with my chapstick.

91. I hate that I caved and let E watch movies in the car...daycare is only 1/2 mile from our house...and he HAS to have the darn thing on.

92. I love being a mom....even on my worst days.

93. Sometimes I'm tempted to ask people if they looked in the mirror before they left their house...I refrain because I'm sure people want to ask me the same thing on occasion.

94. I hate getting ready for the day...it just takes forever.

95. I don't like talking on the phone...texting is so much easier with a toddler.

96. I use sunglasses more as a headband than actual glasses.

97. I hate folding laundry..I'd hang everything up if I could.

98. I do not get embarrassed easily...I do way too many embarrassing things to let it bother me too much.

99. I do not get offended easily...really...I don't.

100. I wish my friends and family could see what I see when I look at them...they are more beautiful, and caring, and amazing than they will ever realize.

There you have it. Hope you enjoyed!!!

I hope God has a sense of humor...

because if he doesn't I'm in trouble!

I was texting a friend yesterday about her uber cute friend that just so happens to live in CO...and in one of the pictures on his facebook he's shirtless....needless to say he's got a nice....uh....hat on in the picture...

So our conversation went a little something like this...

Rachel - Brett's going to CO for something on Friday
Me - Can I go with Brett and play with uber cute friend of yours while he's doing his thing
Rachel - :::sending pics through text of uber cute friend:::
Rachel - He's 4 hours away
Me - Totally worth the drive I'm sure
Rachel - OK
Me - Yay!! I totally won't freak him out ;-)
Rachel - He might like it
Me - :::::SMILE::::
Me - Hi uber cute friend of Rachel's - can you take your shirt off? K thx
Rachel - You're awesome
Me - I know, right?

Anyway...on my drive home I seriously  had to stop and think....I wonder if God has a sense of humor. Did he think to himself, "Dang it Cara! You know better than to joke about that!" Or do you think maybe he just giggled and shook his head thinking, "OMH you're such a nerd!"

In any case....I'm hoping it was the latter...because I have a slightly sarcastic personality...yeah....slightly....

Anyway....going to repent now....be back later ::::smiley face wink:::

sing me a song

Do you ever feel like some songs were just meant for you? That whatever the song is about, it applies directly to how you're feeling or what you're going through at that very moment in your life. Lately, it's been two songs for me. And you better believe if you're in the car with me and one of them comes on, you'll get shushed!

The first makes me think of E, of course....God Gave Me You...I LOVE THIS SONG...I know E is only 3, but he has no idea how mch he means to me...and how much this little monkey keeps me going.

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

And for when I think I lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it's true

God gave me you

And of course the 2nd is just what I feel speaks most to me and what's been happening in my life, Lift Me Up. I'm finally to the point in my life where I don't have control over everything...and as much as it hurts I'm learning to let go of what I can't control and focus on what I can...and what makes me happy.

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me
So I'm letting go
You lift me up when I can't see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me
So I'm letting go 

Everyone says, "sometimes you have to hit rock bottom..." and I always thought, yeah sure, whatever. Until it happened to me...or at least I hope it was rock bottom because if there's more coming I'm not entirely sure I could handle it. But anyway, sometimes it takes losing something (everything) that you took for granted to actually get you back on track...or to what you're actually supposed to be doing....who you're supposed to be with...etc. I just know that where I was 3-4 months ago...is far from where I am now...and I'm finally at the point in my life where I'm happy....with a lot...and it's unfortunate that I spent so much time unhappy...but you live and learn...

Anyway, tonight E and I went to a friends house....I adore her and her children....we love spending time with them. As we were talking and catching up (mostly about me because my dramatic life is as entertaining as a monkey on crack) there was a tiiiiiiny pause and miss K said, "you're doing good." Now, she knows I adore her...and her advice...but she has no idea how much it means to me to hear people tell me I'm doing a good job...I feel like I'm failing miserably half the time and to hear someone, who in my opinion has all there shmidt together, tell me I'm doing good is AMAZING. And I have a lot of friends and family who remind me of this...and it means so much every time.

Being a single parent is hard....it's exhausting...it's overwhelming...its hectic....its crazy....but it's so much more too. I couldn't imagine my life as E's dad....I couldn't ONLY see my child once a week....I love taking him to school...giving him his bath....tucking him into bed...I know I would be a miserable person if I didn't have E home with me 90% of the time...he's my world! I know good things are coming to us...I know God has a bigger plan for us...and I know we're going to be okay.

HUGS

life is sweeter than sweet...

My life is crazy....crazy and beautiful and lame and chaotic and amazing...I would be lying if I said it didn't drive me nuts...but the truth is, I freaking love my life. You know that song that talks about finding out who your friends are when everything bad and wrong could happen? Well...that's my life in a nutshell at this point. And I know I keep saying this over and over....but I have the best support system anyone could ever ask for...I have THE BEST son in the world...the best family in the world...the best ex-future in-laws....and the most amazing friends...seriously...I often ask God why he feels the need to bless me as much as he does...and then I just smile because I know he loves me and everyone around me and he wants me to be happy.

Although some days my emotions get the best of me I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm blessed beyond measure and I'm trying my hardest to be the most amazing mother, daughter, sister, and friend I could possibly be. At my works Christmas party a story was told...about a widow that was having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit because it was her first Christmas without her husband...and it was literally right there that I realized the first of everything is the hardest, but it gets easier. I may not be a widow, but I have a lot of firsts that are coming. E and I went through our first Halloween and Thanksgiving together without dad, and Christmas is coming and the rest of the holidays after that...and it makes me sad, but I know we'll be okay. It's an adjustment for everyone, but E and I are tough...we got this!

I have a few doubters though...that think I'm either too consumed in my child or that I'm still holding out for my fairytale...and I'm going to set the story straight...I AM too consumed with my child...he's the reason I wake up every morning. Of all the mistakes I've ever made, he's NOT one of them. I will spend my entire life doing what is best for him. And as sad as it sounds, no I'm not holding out for my fairytale...at least not with E's dad. What's done is done and there's nothing else to say about it. My life is crazy....crazy and beautiful and lame and chaotic and amazing...all it takes is one look from my sweetheart and I know everything I'm doing, every sacrifice I'm making, is completely worth it. I choose my family and friends, and that's the smartest decision I've ever made.

Teach me how to Gundy

The greatest Homecoming celebration in the history of ever happened this past weekend. Tons of fun, family, friends, food, football....it was an amazing weekend and I'm glad I got to share it with my little man.

We totally skipped the walkaround because I'm a mom that a) didn't want to fight the crowds with a toddler and b) was already dealing with a toddler hyped up on sugar thanks to the Halloween school party - yay! So I opted to get the kid to bed so we could get up early for the parade.

Me: E are you excited about the parade?
E: No
Me: Bummer - do you want to get donuts?
E: Can we go to the parade now? (the kid knows his priorities!)

Then after a failed attempt for a quick nap BEFORE the game we headed to meet Kris. Now the best part of the day happened at this point - and I failed to snap a photo. We parked at the Library Annex and rode the bus to the tailgate....E was in HEAVEN....holy craptastic! He was so excited to ride the bus it was hilarious! "Mom we're going....here we go!!"

Before we sat down at the tailgate we wandered over to the bouncy thingy so E could exert some energy - no nap = deliriousness! I snapped a few photos to which E kept wanting to look at and remind me that, "that was so much fun mom" Yes dear - I know punkin!

After we ate and mingled - yes Kris I know everyone because I've lived here for 30 yrs, and I'm super cool - we headed to our seats. E loved "the big tvs", and by loved I mean I'll be looking to purchase a eleventy billion inch tv because "we need one mom!" We watched the players stretch and the band march...and then when all the smoke was coming from the tunnel....holy crap they're coming and hell's coming with them eeepp!!! ...E fell asleep...yes, with all the noise and craziness going on, my child was dead weight while I stood....no one sits down at these things! My. Arms. Are. Killing. Me. Still. Such a good game though! We whooped Baylor 59-24...what a thrill! 8-0...Love my Pokes!!

We ended the weekend at the church Harvest Carnival with some wonderful friends! You don't get any pics yet, because we're trick or treating tonight and I want to show you how adorable my little man is next post.

Lately I've prayed a lot...and a few things are certain...I know why God gave me E and I'm starting to understand what's in store...as scary as it is. But right now, I'm focused on my life with E and just completely blessed beyond words with the people who God has brought into mine and E's life...and the amazing support and kindness they've shown. Just one thing....can you teach me how to Gundy?

self realization

Lately I've felt the urge to make changes...and those changes aren't necessarily physical - although dropping a couple lbs never hurt anyone, especially those back on the dating scene (in like 10 yrs) - and no I'm not quitting my job (but I have considered a tattoo - quit jumping up and down Britton) - but big girl changes....for me and E. A dear friend told me I'd spent all my time taking care of other people that this was my time to take care of me...and E of course. Now, I'm not about to shirk my responsibilities at all...but some much needed changes are underway so WISH ME LUCK as I embark on this new scary exciting journey!!

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by the rules

Of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

I'm through accepting limits

'cause someone says they're so

Some things I cannot change

But til I try, I'll never know!

Too long I've been afraid of

Losing love I guess I've lost

Well, if that's love

It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy

Defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye

I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

sometimes I wonder...

How the heck did I get such great friends? No joke...if I were lying I'd have been struck down years ago.

I have the kind of friends you can call/text/email/letter in a bottle/smoke signal/telegram/singing quartet anytime, anywhere.

These are the men and women that keep me sane and happy....and insanely happy.

Allow me to explain....I took a poll....I needed some sunshine blown up my rear and who better to do that than my posse? I told my friends to give me reasons why they love me....hoping they would be funny (because I need a good laugh)....but this is what I got...I have nothing but sweet friends...and a few of them moved up the rankings ;-) But here's a few responses...in no particular order

• Gretchen: Ok...ha! I love how vulnerable you are. Like you are completely transparent and only goodness. Not many people are that innately good. Gretchen - the only chick that can make me laugh and cry at the same time - you were the first to respond and I know it's because you're always there when I need you!
• Briley: Ur contagious laugh and smile :o) I'm contagious because I'm dorky and you totally know that!
• Paula: (deserves the best response EVER award!) Who said I loved you? Seriously, I love that you are always cheerful and that you say I'm your favorite. :o) You DO love me and you ARE my favorite....just don't tell anyone!
• Amber: (deserves the "thank you for being funny about this" award) Your poop. Your kid. Your ability to change subjects mid sentence. Your willingness to grab free soda at the casino. Your farts in my general direction. I'm just getting started.... Sorry I farted in your purse!
• Blaire: I LOVE your fun personality and your sense of humor...plus you seem to be a great mama who is always looking out for Mr. E...and I love that too!! I love that you laugh at my jokes! I always feel super funny around you!
• Jake: I really love your hair...and a$$. Jake - holy crap what would I do without your random texts?!?!
• Annie: I love your fun personality! And your smile! No - I love YOUR smile - and I still think you're a hooker for leaving us....but I do still love you so it's okay!
• Ashton: I love that you're nurturing/motherly. You practically raised Kelsey and me! O.M.G. My babies before my baby! I pride myself on having a hand in raising you! HUGS!
• LaRonna: Very comical, pretty, sweet, you like my kids so that is a big plus in my book! I could go on and on all day...you are great. I love your girls....and I totally don't use you to hang out with them....nooooooo ;o)
• Leesa: You have a heart of gold and you're a good mom. LW - If I haven't told you today that I'd be lost without you I suck....because I would be completely lost without your advice!
• Russ: I love that you are going to be coming to visit us on Thanksgiving! Seriously...you are so lucky to have me as a slaw!
• Erin: (who deserves the best picture response ever...which you'll never see because it's my blog...and longest response ever award)  What do I love about you? Hmmm...Let me think. I love the fact that you are so genuine and funny. You are witty and outgoing - I don't think you have ever met a stranger! You are such a good mother - this is obvious in how you act with your "stinker" and how you love to spend time with him. You are an outstanding daughter. You do so much more than most people. Besides caring for E, you also take on the responsibility of caring for your mom. Not a lot of people can say they do that and many aren't even capable of doing that!  You have been through so much in your life, with your dad, mom, Easton and the few “arses” that showed up along the way.  You are a strong person and you need to realize that.  I know it’s hard going through breakups, but you can overcome this.  Look at all of the obstacles you have tackled so far in your 30.75 years of life!  Love you friend! OMG OMG OMG....I think I'm on an Erin High....you are too perfect a friend!
• Shelly: You are happy all the time! You have a great attitude toward life! You are an inspiration and I adore you!
• Carol: I love how you are always happy to see me and you give me a BIG OLE HUG to prove it! You're the only one I hug....honest....just ask Jacob!
• Aaron - The old you that was naive and happy-go-lucky! I'm still naive and happy-go-lucky turd!
• Tara: That you are a caring person, always there when needed, makes beautiful babies, likes chik-a-lay, and full of jokes. I have so much fun with you! And I'm so proud of you! You are amazing!
• And last but not definitely least Abby: (who gets the "You know way too much about me" award) You ALWAYS have fun stories; no matter what the situation, you can always find something to laugh about; I never know what's going to come out of your mouth; you know when all the best deals are going on and you share that info with fellow shopaholics; and finally - Marsha Farsha! You let me say whatever I want...and half of what I say comes from you anyway! Grow some balls people!

Yes, I fished for compliments....hoping I could laugh at myself with my friends...instead I got an overwhelming response of why my friends love me...they accept me for the dipstick I am and for that I am grateful. Besides my child you all make me smile and keep my world turning...but you totally suck at being funny...we need to work on this. Schmucks! **HUGS**

The One Flaw in Women

By the time the Lord made woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on Diet Coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart - and she will do everything with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands?! No way?! And that's just the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."

"But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18-hour days."

The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she able to think?" asked the angel.

The Lord replied, "Not only will she able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."

The angel the noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak," the Lord corrected. "That's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride."

The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You though of everything! Woman is truly amazing!"

And she is. Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy, and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

However, if there is one tiny flaw in women, it is that they forget their worth

Taking things for granted...

Just like everyone else, I'm human and I take things for granted. I didn't mean to...it just sort of happened. Three years ago I was terrified of being a single mom, now I'm not so scared.

Saying E's dad and I got along would be a total lie...we fought...bad. I didn't know his family....I didn't even really know him. I was sick to my stomach thinking that I was going to have to share my child with this person who I couldn't even talk to without fighting the urge to scream! I was stressed and totally freaked out.

A wonderful co-worker would calm me down every day and remind me that "babies change everything" and for the most part she was right. The DAY I had E, his dad seemed nicer...and not so butt-headish. He came almost everyday to see E and I made the effort to travel to his home to get to know his family and the people I would eventually have to leave my child with when dad got him.

And they're good people...I totally lucked out. They love my child and they take care of him, and I couldn't have asked for better. They put me at ease and opened their home and hearts to us, and for that I'm eternally grateful.

Things were going well...a few months after E got here, his dad and I even talked about marriage. I'm not one to rush into anything...especially marriage...so I asked him to wait and see how the first year went...then we'd talk about it.

Well...three years later and now we're "over". Which hurts because just a few months ago he was wanting to run off to Mexico and get married...he told me to go pick out three styles of rings for him to choose from. He reassured me over and over again that we would get married. He would go as far as to send me texts saying he wished we were married. HE did all of this...and now HE'S not happy? WHUCK?!?!? Oh...and we can be GREAT friends?!???? Are you SERIOUS?

Let's not forget that he decided this about 2 days AFTER we took our first ever family pictures. AWESOME...I'll be sure to put that in the baby book....see E, here's the last time we were a "family"...isn't that nice? :::smiley face wink:::

I'm not bitter...I'm not even sure I was happy either...I know I took what I thought  we had for granted. I miss hugs...and kisses...and love you texts...if I said I didn't, I'd be lying. Who knows when anyone will ever pay attention to me again...I'm not concerned with it, but thinking about being a single mom forever makes me sad...just a little.


I'm tired of the "it's not you, it's me" excuse...I can't just turn off my emotions...he lead me to believe so much in the last 3 years...and now he just wants me to act like "we" never happened? It's apparent that I had more invested in the relationship...and for E's sake, that sucks. I'm disappointed that someone who was adamant about me staying with him...throwing in my face that I'll never have the same last name as E if I left could be so cold and heartless and make me feel like I never mattered.

I know time heals...and I don't doubt that someday I'll look back and think to myself that this was supposed to happen exactly how it happened. Until then, though...I'd appreciate some closure...closure that I know I won't ever get, but a girl can dream.

Bless his heart...

At the end of the day I'm right where I want to be, at home with my tiny sweetheart...which brings me to a fairly funny story...last night while I was getting the little stink to the tub I realized he had a messy pull-up...no worries son, lay down on the floor, mommy to the rescue! (yes I change him on the floor. I have neither the energy, nor the muscle to hoist his hiney up on a changing table, don't judge - he's 3 anyway, he should be using the P-O-T-T-Y gosh darnit!)

Picture this...a 3 year old with a pull-up and tennis shoes on...there is no method to the way we undress at my house...he lays down, I remove the pull-up, wipe his toosh and turn to throw away the mess...when I turn back around, my child who is now only in tennis shoes, is crab-walking all over the place just giggling up a storm and showing the world his "goods"....OMG I hope he only does this at home!

I'm not sure if I should be asking everyone to bless his heart or bless mine...hmmmm?

HUGS*

Just like many of my friends, I'm having a difficult time dealing with the passing of a friend. At 29, Katie was beautiful, professional, incredibly sweet, and full of energy and life. When people talk about how wonderful she was they're not lying. This girl was always positive, always smiling, and always made you feel important. Disbelief, shock, and numbness is how I've felt the last few days.

I've thought a lot, sometimes too much, about friends, family, work, everything really...life can change in an instant, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. In my moments of searching for clarity I've been overwhelmed with emotion, sometimes it's irritation because I feel people are being petty and selfish, sometimes I feel alone because I'm not best friends with someone anymore, and other times I feel so blessed with what I have. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. I want to live my life more like Katie lived hers and if I teach Little E anything I want it to be this.

"Be one who nurtures and who builds. Be one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart, who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them. If we could look into each others hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently"

- Marvin J. Ashton

Hug your sweethearts a little tighter today, tell people you love them, and let go of things that don't matter.

All the Single Mommies...

I follow a lot of blogs...they're somewhat of an escape for me. Reading about other people's ups and downs, following their lives, and occasionally having a "me too!" moment. However, when I sit to write about the day to day happenings that make up my oh-so-glamorous life I'm stumped. I have nothing to say, nothing profound to leave on the inter-webs, not anything funny to write about, and to be honest nothing interesting at all to entertain the small crowd that knows this blog exists. I started this blog to update family and friends on Mr. E's progress...and well, I failed...big surprise! He's now 3 and I've posted a half dozen times....some sort of record I'm sure, right? Sooooooo with that being said I'm changing it up a little...I'm going to just update you on life...our crazy, beautiful, oh-so-glamorous life...get excited!

As most of you know, I'm a single mama. Which means, for about 95% of the time I'm parent numero uno! Which in turn makes me a professional...trust me on this one...I know everything! :::smiley face wink:::

Back to reality...or wait, my oh-so-glamorous life.
My little man, my pride and joy, apple of my eye, my absolute entire world - is about to send me to the looney bin...seriously. Everything is a fight...putting on his shoes, picking up his toys, going to bed, brushing his teeth, eating his veggies (or anything other than chips at this point)...all things I do as a mother to annoy the holy schmidt out of him, right? Of course!

He's 3, and I get that...but why hasn't he learned that I'm the boss?!?!? I tell him every day! I've even answered his many "why?" questions with "because I'm the mommy, that's why!" and he still hasn't learned! We have our good days and our bad days...at this point I wonder if he's bipolar. Just yesterday he had such an emotional morning (and I still can't figure out what set him off) that I almost called in sick to work. Kicking and screaming, for what I don't know because he never actually told me.

However....at the end of the day (or at least most days) he cuddles up to me, tells me I'm his favorite, and everything is back to perfect. I try hard to be mom and dad both and I feel like I fail most days...and as he gets older it gets just a little bit harder to figure him out. At some point I'll figure it out...I'm sure...but until then I suppose I could just sit back and enjoy the roller coaster ride. Weeeee!!!! And yes...that's my child on the potty....enjoy!

I...

• I am: a mom, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a laugher, a random individual, a slight perfectionist, and a little bit of a control freak.
• I think: life is often hard, and because of that we need to relish in the joyful moments.
• I know: I am capable of and deserve everything I want in life.
• I want: happiness, love.
• I have: an amazing family and awesome friends...I delight in the stability of their chaos.
• I dislike: confusion, dishonesty.
• I miss: the energy I once had. The ability to jump out of bed, ready to take on the day.
• I fear: being alone, not being able to give Easton everything he deserves.
• I feel: compelled to live the golden rule....even if no one else does.
• I hear: music, always.
• I smell: nothing...OK spring = allergies :o)
• I crave: attention and acknowledgment from those I love...and the occasional Tiger Butter Apple!
• I usually: wear heels...but my feet always crave flip flops!
• I cry: more now than I ever have before...when I feel the pressure of life the most.
• I search: for socks....Eastons tiny socks....daily.
• I wonder: if I'll ever love myself so someone else can love me too.
• I regret: not spending more time with my dad before he passed away, quitting piano, and losing touch with some wonderful friends.
• I wish: on occasion, I could rewind the day and start over...I love my life...but I make enough mistakes for an army...usually before 10 a.m.
• I love: the sound of Easton snoring when he's truly asleep, the way my nephew cries when we have to say goodbye because I know I mean as much to him as he means to me, the way my family has grown closer since we've all "grown up", the cool feeling of my sheets when I first crawl into bed, and smells that remind me of my past.
• I care: about people, deeply.
• I always: count my flaws when I should be counting my blessings.
• I see: people's potential and wish they could see it too.
• I worry: about everything, but mostly about making good decisions.
• I am not: the "typical" girl.
• I remember: more how people make me feel, good or bad.
• I believe: in karma.
• I sing: in the car....when I'm alone.
• I argue: when I feel someone can't see my point of view.
• I write: far too little...I'm working hard on this blog though!
• I win: very seldomly. Competitive by nature, but less concerned with winning...if that even makes sense.
• I lose: when it comes to relationships.
• I don't understand: why I've had to learn several of the lessons I've learned.
• I usually can be found: picking up toys, doing laundry, or playing with my sweetheart.
• I need: to lighten up when it comes to spontaneity....but easier said than done!
• I forget: almost instantly...Easton's attention span will surpass mine by the time he's in school I'm sure.
• I'm happy: with my life...the decisions I've made...and the person I'm becoming.