A Love Story...The Turning Point

Okay....where was I....oh yes....afraid of getting hurt.
When E's dad and my relationship ended I knew deep down that it wasn't a good relationship....no love....but it hurt still....and I understand that I will never get the apology that I feel E and I deserve...and coming to terms with that has been difficult. So to say The Officer had to jump through some hoops and prove himself, well, that would be the understatement of the year. This poor guy had to EARN my trust...and it hasn't been easy...and it's still hard to let go of the hurt....but I'm learning to love again...and he's there every step of the way.
So after Thanksgiving there was another banquet....Paws and Pearls. This one I got excited about because Bri got to come to this one...and we NEVER get to do anything without the kids unless its a quick lunch date. So I was excited to get dressed up and spend the evening with my friends and The Officer.
At this point The Officer only had the chance to come over to my house a few times....and only after E went to sleep. If he got there before the munchkin drifted off, he patiently waited in his truck until he could come in. We would watch tv and just talk. It was the cutest thing too...he would start next to me on the couch...and would seriously inch his way over until he was RIGHT next to me...but that's as far as it went...just sitting next to each other. And I'm glad he didn't try anything...I wasn't ready for much more than a friend. And you could tell he wanted to kiss me....but I wouldn't even hug him when he left...any intimacy was too much for me...it meant I would be vulnerable...and I couldn't do it.
So Paws and Pearls....way fun. Again, The Officer was extremely attentive....something I'm NOT used to....opening my door....making sure I had a drink if I needed one....made me feel like part of his group. I have never had a guy that I felt was proud to show me off...and he made me feel just that way. It felt great....so I let loose....had one too many vodka tonics....almost positive that it was vodka with a splash of tonic....and I got flirty. After the banquet everyone was headed to one of the bars. E had a sitter...I had a few drinks in me....eh why not...to the bar! I don't remember what we talked about on the way to the bar....but when we got there and The Officer came to open my door he leaned in...and I kissed him. I remember thinking to myself, "he's never going to kiss you because you'll never let him" so I had to do it myself. He says he was going to kiss me....but didn't want to because I got a little schnockered that night. Ha!
Anyway, after that I let my guard down....at least a little bit. A few weeks later they were starting renovations at our house so E and I literally got kicked out and had to crash with a friend. I was so sad too...our first Christmas solo and we had to take down our tree....our decorations....everything. The Officer knew how sad I was too...and he wanted E's first Christmas in WY to be a good one....so he went shopping. He asked me for a few ideas....so I gave him a couple ideas of what E was into. Thinking he would grab one toy....nope....he got everything....every idea I gave him....he had wrapped and ready. He brought them down the day before we left for CO for Christmas....E was so excited too. He LOVED it...and I loved the fact that he went out of his way to make my child feel special. The Officer doesn't know this...but I cried myself to sleep that night...not because I was sad....but because I knew that the man I had been praying for....the one that would love me and E unconditionally....I knew I had found him. Now I knew exactly why I was drawn to make the move from OK to WY.