Never without children...

Okay....so it's uber early on NYE....and I can't sleep. No worries...this is totally normal when E's not at home. Grandma took him for the weekend so I could try and have a normal Single Mom type of new years...which totally means playing cards with the girls in Mickey's garage...with her jet engine of a heater....wine...beer....and her belting singing a combination of The Lonely Island and Brad Paisley...I've said it before and I'll say it again...who wouldn't want to be me and live my glamorous life? I. Don't. Know.

BUT this is good...my friends are always there asking me to do something when they know I'm E-less....because let's be honest...no one wants me sitting at home doing ANOTHER load of laundry and checking my phone every 5 seconds to see if Grandma sent me a pic of my sweetheart...but seriously...how stinkin cute is my sweetheart?!?!?!?

I had Friday off and was planning on getting my nails fixed prettified so I quit looking like a 9 yr old girl who picks at her nail polish....so I ended up taking a friends daughters with me to get manicures for their Christmas present....and Ro likes to let me live vicariously through her because I play in the dirt and with cars and trains all the time. Love my boy....but manicures with him are a no-go.

I love Ro's girls...they are SO fun...and they say the funniest things...which I can't repeat what Sister says because I get her in trouble...she's a HOOT! And Bay is such a sweetheart....she's so quiet and reserved and just loves to listen to me talk...and they both smile ALL the TIME....they melt you...I loves them!

After mani's I headed to my favorite place to volunteer....Multi...we call it volunteering...but it's really just another friend who occupies my time...Rachel loves to put me to work and oddly enough I enjoy what she asks me to do...although there are days I feel more like a janitor than a super cute helper :::looks up and ponders::: oh well...I guess it keeps me busy so who cares. Yesterday she had an easy job for me, prepping a mailer....intense I know. So I turned on the tv....to watch QVC and HSN...because the city only gives you so many channel options and let's be honest....day time tv SUCKS...and Rach pulled up YouTube....a winning combination for everyone :::smiley face wink:::

No worries...the fun didn't stop there...after work volunteering ended we headed to get her baby...realizing that it doesn't matter if my child is with me or not...I'm always with someone who has a child....except with Amber Dawn...but she only likes to hang out with me when I have E anyway...anywhooo, we get Mr K and head to shop a bit...but Mr K was NOT in the mood to shop...so we quit, got pizza and headed home to watch a movie...which played in the background...but we were too busy being entertained by Mr K trying to walk in my boots and Rach was making cookies...we all suffer from short attention spans... 

The rest of the night was spent planning our next road trip to CO....seriously...can't get enough of that state right now...Love. It. One of these days I may not come back from CO...



Tuesday = crappy day.....but ever since then things have been pretty peachy....and yes Perk it was ALLLLLL because you sent me texts trying to convince me to join eHarmony (why, I'm still not entirely sure...) but whatever....again, thank you.

Or...it could just be because I'm surrounded by people who make me laugh...all the time...at home....at work...online...

I follow some pretty cool blogs....I just read the post by BoyMommy...either click the link on the left of my page....or here if you're lazy. This post had me rolling...you'll enjoy it...I promise.


Today sucked...

to say the least.

Apparently I didn't get the memo that nothing would go right today and everything would get twisted. I'm putting one foot in front of the other here people...I'm doing the best I can, without alcohol...give me a break.

Things change...and I have no control over that...but I'm tired of being told to get over it or to deal with it...no one's telling the problem to do anything...which I know is because I'm the one that makes it happen...I'm the only one that is dealing with this crap...and I'm the only one looking out for E. But freakin A...cut me some slack...if you don't want to choose sides, fine....but you need to be able to at least back someone...because I can't be the only one who thinks that somethings wrong here and needs to be dealt with...but I can't be the one who is solely responsible for dealing with it either.

I've been trying to move forward for the last few months....someone else is the reason we're at a standstill here...and I refuse to be held accountable for that.

UGH! Tomorrow better be better!


Merry Christmas

Enjoy your time with the ones you love. Merry Christmas!!


100 random things...why not

I had some extra time on my hands last night while I was sitting around the house before I headed to a friends house to forget that my child wasn't home, so here you have it...100 random things about me, cause I love randomness!!!

1. I hate being on the outside of an "inside" joke.

2. I am in love with Jeff Dunham...never gets old.

3. I have the coldest nose...seriously, always cold.

4. I hate that I have a closet full of shoes, yet I wear my boots, running shoes and flip flops more than anything. I feel like I wasted money.

5. I love buying fun things for my friends that remind me of them.

6. I sing...all the time...even though I can't carry a tune.

7. Pinterst is one of my favorite things...addicted.

8. I NEVER wear lipstick.

9. I hate that I don't decorate for holidays....but I'm working on it.

10. I love my family...my world revolves around those I love.

11. I know that Heavenly Father loves me.

12. I'm glad I have the friends I have...still amazes me.

13. I don't understand why I picked my major in college...I take that back...I do know...but I wish I had chosen something different...but then I wouldn't have met Britton...and she's amazing...so nevermind...my major is fine.

14. I love snow cones.

15. I have my mom's forehead....nose...smile...yeah, pretty much everything...no question I belong to her.

16. I love watching "The Bachelor & The Bachelorette," love it! Yes, my mom taught me better.

17. I wish I were a professional photographer...I would have so many more pictures of E if I was good at it.

18. I love making and keeping friends...I love people...I talk to random people...however, I'm uber quiet around people I know I'll have to see again...weird.

19. I am extremely OCD....and when I feel like I can't control something I feel like crying.

20. I am not intimidated easily...you wouldn't know that though.

21. I am NOT a butt kisser...don't mistake my kindness for this...I was raised well by my mother.

22. If I don't like someone, they usually know it...I'm horrible at "faking it"

23. I could eat green peppers all the time...my favorite veggie!

24. My kid cracks me up...I need to start writing down what he says.

25. I wish I had my friend K's legs...those suckers go on for DAYS!

26. I am in love with the snickers commercials...hilarious...at least to me.

27. I wish I could stop buying socks...I have a ton of themed socks...and only about a dozen white socks....and yes, I wore the zebra knee highs with my capris JUST to embarrass my sister...serves her right for calling me dorky...she's lucky I didn't wear my flip flops too ;o)

28. I love movies...although now I have a slightly skewed view on what life should actually be like...

29. I scratch my head all the time...not because it itches...I just like the feeling.

30. I always wanted my name to be Samantha growing up...no clue why....but I'm in love with my name now...the whole thing...especially my middle and last name...if I ever get married I'm not sure I'll change my last name...I love it too much.

31. I hate when I can't fix things myself...calling a professional is always a last resort.

32. I've never dated a guy that didn't drive a truck.

33. I've only dated 4 guys in my life...and I can't decide if that's cool or dorky...

34. My mothers quirks secretly make me happy.

35. I hate that I have sensitive ears....I LOVE earrings.

36. My sister could beat the crap out of me...yet she's refrained for so many years...

37. I'm allergic to Spring...all of it...I love not being able to smell anything for 3 whole months. :::insert sarcasm:::

38. I get my lefts and rights mixed up all of the time.

39. I seriously have the cutest child ever...melts my heart just to look at him.

40. I wish I knew how to play tennis...it looks so fun.

41. I love my laugh...snort and all...but it's dorky so I'll tell you I hate it...but I love it...because it's mine.

42. I love E's laugh more...it's so innocent and genuine.

43. I am easily entertained...but that's totally obvious.

44. I repeat random things...it's one of my New Year's resolutions to quit...it's starting to drive me nuts.

45. I am a bit of a control freak....although I'm learning to relax and just let things happen...good or bad.

46. I love when my brother's tell me they love me...they're "Men" so it's so few and far between that I'm on a complete high when they blurt it out :::eeeep:::

47. I look forward to having one of those motorized wheelchairs when I get older...heck yes.

48. I get self conscious when I'm not even trying to impress anyone.

49. I say a prayer everytime I see a helicopter, an ambulance, or a firetruck.

50. I like cookie dough better than cooked cookies...my hips can confirm that.

51. If I won the lottery I would still work...maybe just part time though.

52. I have been blessed with a strong family.

53. I wear my feelings on my sleeve...and can be completely naive at times...all the time actually.

54. I have a lot of moles...I'm Swedish...I got the blonde hair and moles...coulda used the boobs though!

55. I love them because my mom always told me they were beauty marks.

56. I drive slow...especially when I'm carrying special cargo.

57. I was subpeonaed to testify during a divorce when I was 16 years old...most uncomfortable day of my life.

58. I don't understand Scientology at all.

59. I love pretzels and diet coke.

60. I've always felt like my lucky number was 116...but really it's just my birthday and I love it.

61. I was convinced I was going to marry an ex because our birthdays were both 11681...mine in January and his in November.

62. I choose to be in denial at times...ignorance really can be bliss at times.

63. I've replaced all my swear words with code words so E doesn't learn the real ones...he may go to school saying "marsha farsha"...but at least he won't be saying mother effer...I'm smart like that.

64. My child may or may not get his dorkiness from me...I'll never tell...

65. I love going to lunch with my friends.

66. I miss my 96 Honda like you wouldn't believe.

67. I loved growing up in Stillwater.

68. I think about moving out of Stillwater daily though.

69. I can stress out over something to the point where I feel like vomitting.

70. I am not good at come backs...After the Fact Cara should REALLY be my nickname.

71. I skipped my 10 yr high school reunion.

72. I think my feet are cute...even though I hate that they're so big!...size 10...bleh

73. I never thought I had a specific "type" of guy I was attracted to...until recently.

74. I try hard to hide when I'm sad...there are about 3 people who can flat out tell without me saying a word...they just know...and I love them for knowing me that well.

75. My sister is one of those people...and I love her more than anything because although I'm 30 yrs old...if I'm crying she always asks if I want her to jump in her car and come to me...she lives 10 hrs away...I love her. LOVE her.

76. I hate when I have something really important to tell someone and I forget the second I see them.

77. I am not a fan of hairy men.

78. To this day I regret quitting piano.

79. I love when people can make me laugh...it's such a good feeling.

80. I want a tattoo so badly...but I know I'd regret it the second I couldn't wash it off.

81. I was told I would quit growing at 5' 5"...I'm 5' 8"...yup, I always do what I'm not supposed to do...

82. I hate when I can't find pants long enough.

83. I wish I didn't know some of the things I know about some people...just saying.

84. I get motion sickness bad...to the point that watching my child spin makes me sick.

85. I wish I had more time to read.

86. I hate driving through Kansas...the wind is ridiculous.

87. I seriously can't get enough of Jeff Dunham....I'm watching him now...

88. I have the smallest bladder ever...road trips are uber fun with me.

89. I am so proud of my mother, my sister, and my brothers....they amaze me...and they deserve great things.

90. I have a slight addiction/love affair with my chapstick.

91. I hate that I caved and let E watch movies in the car...daycare is only 1/2 mile from our house...and he HAS to have the darn thing on.

92. I love being a mom....even on my worst days.

93. Sometimes I'm tempted to ask people if they looked in the mirror before they left their house...I refrain because I'm sure people want to ask me the same thing on occasion.

94. I hate getting ready for the day...it just takes forever.

95. I don't like talking on the phone...texting is so much easier with a toddler.

96. I use sunglasses more as a headband than actual glasses.

97. I hate folding laundry..I'd hang everything up if I could.

98. I do not get embarrassed easily...I do way too many embarrassing things to let it bother me too much.

99. I do not get offended easily...really...I don't.

100. I wish my friends and family could see what I see when I look at them...they are more beautiful, and caring, and amazing than they will ever realize.

There you have it. Hope you enjoyed!!!


I hope God has a sense of humor...

because if he doesn't I'm in trouble!

I was texting a friend yesterday about her uber cute friend that just so happens to live in CO...and in one of the pictures on his facebook he's shirtless....needless to say he's got a nice....uh....hat on in the picture...

So our conversation went a little something like this...

Rachel - Brett's going to CO for something on Friday
Me - Can I go with Brett and play with uber cute friend of yours while he's doing his thing
Rachel - :::sending pics through text of uber cute friend:::
Rachel - He's 4 hours away
Me - Totally worth the drive I'm sure
Rachel - OK
Me - Yay!! I totally won't freak him out ;-)
Rachel - He might like it
Me - :::::SMILE::::
Me - Hi uber cute friend of Rachel's - can you take your shirt off? K thx
Rachel - You're awesome
Me - I know, right?

Anyway...on my drive home I seriously  had to stop and think....I wonder if God has a sense of humor. Did he think to himself, "Dang it Cara! You know better than to joke about that!" Or do you think maybe he just giggled and shook his head thinking, "OMH you're such a nerd!"

In any case....I'm hoping it was the latter...because I have a slightly sarcastic personality...yeah....slightly....

Anyway....going to repent now....be back later ::::smiley face wink:::


sing me a song

Do you ever feel like some songs were just meant for you? That whatever the song is about, it applies directly to how you're feeling or what you're going through at that very moment in your life. Lately, it's been two songs for me. And you better believe if you're in the car with me and one of them comes on, you'll get shushed!

The first makes me think of E, of course....God Gave Me You...I LOVE THIS SONG...I know E is only 3, but he has no idea how mch he means to me...and how much this little monkey keeps me going.

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it's true
God gave me you

And of course the 2nd is just what I feel speaks most to me and what's been happening in my life, Lift Me Up. I'm finally to the point in my life where I don't have control over everything...and as much as it hurts I'm learning to let go of what I can't control and focus on what I can...and what makes me happy.

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me
So I'm letting go
You lift me up when I can't see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me
So I'm letting go 

Everyone says, "sometimes you have to hit rock bottom..." and I always thought, yeah sure, whatever. Until it happened to me...or at least I hope it was rock bottom because if there's more coming I'm not entirely sure I could handle it. But anyway, sometimes it takes losing something (everything) that you took for granted to actually get you back on track...or to what you're actually supposed to be doing....who you're supposed to be with...etc. I just know that where I was 3-4 months ago...is far from where I am now...and I'm finally at the point in my life where I'm happy....with a lot...and it's unfortunate that I spent so much time unhappy...but you live and learn...

Anyway, tonight E and I went to a friends house....I adore her and her children....we love spending time with them. As we were talking and catching up (mostly about me because my dramatic life is as entertaining as a monkey on crack) there was a tiiiiiiny pause and miss K said, "you're doing good." Now, she knows I adore her...and her advice...but she has no idea how much it means to me to hear people tell me I'm doing a good job...I feel like I'm failing miserably half the time and to hear someone, who in my opinion has all there shmidt together, tell me I'm doing good is AMAZING. And I have a lot of friends and family who remind me of this...and it means so much every time.

Being a single parent is hard....it's exhausting...it's overwhelming...its hectic....its crazy....but it's so much more too. I couldn't imagine my life as E's dad....I couldn't ONLY see my child once a week....I love taking him to school...giving him his bath....tucking him into bed...I know I would be a miserable person if I didn't have E home with me 90% of the time...he's my world! I know good things are coming to us...I know God has a bigger plan for us...and I know we're going to be okay.



life is sweeter than sweet...

My life is crazy....crazy and beautiful and lame and chaotic and amazing...I would be lying if I said it didn't drive me nuts...but the truth is, I freaking love my life. You know that song that talks about finding out who your friends are when everything bad and wrong could happen? Well...that's my life in a nutshell at this point. And I know I keep saying this over and over....but I have the best support system anyone could ever ask for...I have THE BEST son in the world...the best family in the world...the best ex-future in-laws....and the most amazing friends...seriously...I often ask God why he feels the need to bless me as much as he does...and then I just smile because I know he loves me and everyone around me and he wants me to be happy.

Although some days my emotions get the best of me I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm blessed beyond measure and I'm trying my hardest to be the most amazing mother, daughter, sister, and friend I could possibly be. At my works Christmas party a story was told...about a widow that was having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit because it was her first Christmas without her husband...and it was literally right there that I realized the first of everything is the hardest, but it gets easier. I may not be a widow, but I have a lot of firsts that are coming. E and I went through our first Halloween and Thanksgiving together without dad, and Christmas is coming and the rest of the holidays after that...and it makes me sad, but I know we'll be okay. It's an adjustment for everyone, but E and I are tough...we got this!

I have a few doubters though...that think I'm either too consumed in my child or that I'm still holding out for my fairytale...and I'm going to set the story straight...I AM too consumed with my child...he's the reason I wake up every morning. Of all the mistakes I've ever made, he's NOT one of them. I will spend my entire life doing what is best for him. And as sad as it sounds, no I'm not holding out for my fairytale...at least not with E's dad. What's done is done and there's nothing else to say about it. My life is crazy....crazy and beautiful and lame and chaotic and amazing...all it takes is one look from my sweetheart and I know everything I'm doing, every sacrifice I'm making, is completely worth it. I choose my family and friends, and that's the smartest decision I've ever made.