Looking for humor...

Okay...so this week I finally got INTO my 30's.....yaaaaay!!!

And it hasn't been so bad...except the whole ex introducing his girlfriend of 3 months to my child...but then again I guess 3 months IS a serious relationship to a 22 yr old...so whatever...I'm looking for the humor in my daily shenanigans with the ex...he's not taking anything seriously...so why should I? Bleh...but seriously...I'm learning to relax and find the humor in his stupidity...this should be fun! We all know what he's thinking with...and I think we can all agree it's NOT his head :::smiley face wink:::

I haven't even cried about it...although I did manage to make my friend cry about it. She feels so bad for the crap I have to deal with...and bless her heart, because I totally agree that dealing with him is ridiculous...but really...what can I do? I have many more years to come of dealing with his craptastic antics...so here's to a life that will NEVER fall short of entertaining...and the urge to slap the crap out of someone :::raises glass...clink:::

I know that E is only 3...and with a little grace and a lot of luck he won't remember his dad ever acting like a tard...at least I pray that he's as naive as his mama! I want him to look for the good in people...and trust that people are honest...and I want him to STILL look for the good in people when they prove to NOT be honest. I want him to stand up for what's right...even if it means he stands alone. I want him to know that people do stupid things without thinking about them...but I also want him to know that those stupid things aren't okay...that you need to think about what you're doing...you need to be aware that every choice you make has an impact on others...good or bad.

Here's the humor for today...I was messaging the ex's mother, discussing next week and my concern with leaving E with them because of what had happened yesterday....and she literally messaged "I hope that one day you'll be happy..." whuck!?!?!? Why does everyone in that family think I'm not happy? Because I feel like what they're doing and how they're handling this is slightly on the careless side? I'm extremely disappointed in a lot of their choices...but I understand that I can't control them...I have to accept that they don't see things my way. I just wish they'd understand that I AM happy. I'm home with my child every night...the only good thing about my ex...is home with ME every night. Just because I'm not jumping into a relationship doesn't mean I'm not happy.

The ex and I are polar opposites...it's glaringly obvious at this point...I don't need to go from relationship to relationship...I'm completely capable of standing on my own two feet...of taking care of my responsibilities before myself. He's not...he can't be "single"...it's impossible...just ask his family...they'll even tell you about his "track record"...and that's what I think is humorous...that everyone (but me) is okay with him being stupid about things because that's "just him"...whatever...he can date who he wants...he can do what he wants...but my child is better than the choices he's making...and my child deserves better than what he's getting. The ex is turning out to be more like his tard cousin than I realized...and I'm sorry...but I refuse to let the ex treat my child like his cousin treated his son. And as of yesterday I don't trust him anymore...and I'm putting my foot down, for my child...I may not be able to control the situation...but by golly I'm not going to just sit back and let him drag my child through his crap.

So have a good laugh at my expense...because I can almost guarantee that this is just the beginning...and it's going to get MUCH more entertaining. So grab your soda, your candy and your popcorn...sit back with me...and enjoy the show...because those of you who know me will be laughing at the same crap :::smiley face wink:::

Healing your heart

Okay...so I didn't exactly pay much attention in church today...I know...naughty naughty...BUT I have a slightly good excuse...

Today the preacher was talking about healing your heart...and the only person who can do that is...you guessed it, Jesus. He talked about how going to church was good, studying the scriptures, prayer, and a whole list of other things (told you..I quit listening)...and they help...but only Jesus can heal your heart.

Okay...I partly stopped listening because I kept laughing (in my head) because of the conversation that Jersey and I had a couple months ago...friends will remember this...the one where he told me God answered my prayers with him (no I do not pray for men)...because he's going to heal my heart and we're going to live happily ever after....wah wah wah...yes...I want my fairytale...but not in the GTL form...sorry Jersey...we're just friends...k thx bye.

Anywhoooo....I also had a hard time listening because I was thinking of all the ways I thought I was healing my own heart...and how I've always felt something was missing. Let's see if I can make sense...

The ex deals with our demise differently...he went out to the bars and jumped into a relationship with another girl...I don't know what goes through his head..I know what I see and I think he handled everything poorly....but at the same time...I'm not him...obviously.

I've taken, and am still taking, the time to figure out what's best for E...and me...and just trying to get my schmidt together. My friends will tell you I'm doing a great job...and most days I feel like I am...but just like any process that involves emotions some days are better than others. So...I go to church...I haven't sworn off men...but I'm not looking to get hitched any day soon...I'm not even sure dating is an option :::scary:::...I've surrounded myself with wonderful friends, for both E and me...I've prayed...and prayed...and prayed....I've done things for me that I haven't done in a LOOOOOOONG time :::pretty nails:::: and I've just tried to figure out what I really want...what's best for me and E.

But something is missing...and I was compelled to go talk to the preacher after church..but I couldn't bring myself to do it...but let's be honest, I only get to see K's family every so often so even heading to Taco Bell compelled me more...

I'm not sure how long this healing process will take...because I don't feel like I'm hanging on to a relationship that isn't there...I don't feel like I'm in a bad place...but I don't know when I'll find peace. Even when I start to think that whatever is happening "isn't right"...that whatever the ex is doing is stupid...or whatever random thought that enters my head...because I know deep down what's right...E deserves two parents that adore him, regardless if they're together or not.

I'm the one who's worked with an attorney on custody and visitation...and all that other super fun stuff...so I proposed a new visitation schedule that I think will work best for everyone...of course I can't say what I want to out loud...or even on facebook or twitter or here...so I text my friend G...who always knows exactly what to say...so after I made her laugh she just told me to "keep on keeping on"...and that's what I plan on doing.

There's light at the end of my tunnel...and my heart is getting stronger every day...and it's only a matter of time that whatever is meant to happen will happen...as crappy as my life seems some days...it's completely perfect to me...heartbreak and all :o)

Here's my sign...

So here's the creepy, accurate descriptions of a capricorn...and a few that are WAY off...see if you can figure me out...

• Capricorns take things one step at a time; do not expect them to jump into anything headfirst.
• Capricorns humor may be dry, but it is very funny and has a way of coming out when others least anticipate it.
• If a capricorn ever suffers from insecurity, you will be the very last to be informed on it.
• Humble and industrious, capricorns are not afraid of starting small and working their way up from the very bottom.
• Capricorns at times have a tendency of being rude to their partners, so they need someone who is not intimidated by their temper.
• Capricorns are all about completing their plans. They don't talk about them, they do them.
• Capricorns prefer older and intelligient lovers.
• At times a capricorn can be a bit awkward in their romances, but it comes off as cute.
• If you want to attract a capricorn woman appear stern, aloof and disconnected.
• If you want to turn off a capricorn, be belligerent, sluggish and spineless.
• In a serious relationship, capricorns are faithful although prone to jealousy.
• Capricorns are great organizers and have the ability to work on several projects simultaneously.
• A capricorn has a focused mind with the ability to handle crisis situations and get things done.
• As a capricorn you look for assurance and certainty and have a tendency to see things in black and white.
• Capricorns are natural worriers. Even when they've taken all the precautions they can possibly take, capricorns fret that they've forgotten something.
• A capricorn needs a partner who is serious, but at times can be lighthearted who will simply make them laugh.
• Capricorns can be very independent. They don't like being told what to do or how to do it.
• As a capricorn you may feel you can only depend on yourself.
• You can talk about anything, but do not poke your nose into capricorns feelings. When they feel secure and safe, they will open up.
• Capricorns self-sufficiency is usually mistaken for apathy, and they are not as cold as they seem. They like to do things on their own so there is no worry about something not being completed.
• A capricorn finds it extremely easy to merge into a group and will look like one of its original members.
• Capricorns have tons of masks they present to the world; they are known as distant and unresponsive, however, this is them hiding themselves.
• A capricorn who has once had their trust betrayed, by anyone, takes a long time to heal.
• Capricorns weaknesses: reserved, snobbish, and picky
• Capricorns are patient, reliable, careful, ambitious, and practical.
• A capricorn female hates careless errors. It's like get it right or don't bother trying.
• Capricorns are essentailly melancholy types who could do with a boost.
• A capricorn is a delightful debater, has a tough exterior, does not give second chances, has swinging moods, loves perfection and has high expectations.
• Capricorns are stubborn and skeptical. They hold grudges, are never satisfied, can be pessimistic, over ambitious and insatiable.

And of course....my favorite...

• A capricorn woman is a class act. The most self-composed, least showy lady in the zodiac.

If you want to check out your sign....go here.

Happy Freakin New Year

I'm having mixed feelings about 2012 already...I thought letting grandma and papa take E for the weekend so I could "do something fun" was a good idea....and I did have fun...but now I'm just counting down until I head to pick him up...I miss him like crazy and I can't wait to squeeze him!

Back to my mixed feelings..I get the whole starting fresh with the new year...and I'm compelled to make resolutions just like everyone else...and I fail, just like a lot of others. So I was trying to think about what I REALLY want to get out of the new year. This year it's just a few goals...like getting ready for that marathon...which totally freaks me out because I'm terrified of failing...and it's been so long since I ran...

Anyway, every Sunday after I drop E off at his class and get to the pew I say a little prayer that I "get" something from the service. Selfish, I know...but I like the feeling when I walk away as if the preacher was speaking directly to me...because although I'm extremely smart...did I say extremely? I meant EXTREMELY smart :::no sarcasm whatsoever::: and I think I have most of my life figured out, I love the feeling I get when someone else (whom I think is smarter than me) can say something that makes me stop and think. Today was one of those days. Like I said, I get caught up in the fresh start of the new year...but at the same time I'm realistic enough to know that not only does God have great things planned for me...this year, as with any other year...but I also know that this year is NOT going to be all fun and games like I feel it will be...every January 1. Obviously, things are changing...but I realize those can be both good and bad...and the outcome will be whatever I make it.

I started thinking of everything that I KNOW will happen this year...I have a lot of decisions to make this year...and I'll be making them on my own...and although I'm extremely independent and have the "if I want something done right I'll just do it myself" mentallity..I'm a little nervous...we're not talking about little desicions, to me these suckers are pretty big...whether or not E goes to school in August or we wait another year....whether or not I stay with the company I'm with, or look for something out of state...if I'm ready to let my mom live alone or not...will I date this year...do I buy a house and live with one of my best friends....I have a lot of issues when it comes to control...I get that...I hate not being able to have the stability of controlling something.

I blame it on being a Capricorn...which, I'm not one to look to the stars or anything...but lately my sign has been pretty dead on...freakishly dead on. I'll have to dedicate an entire post to "my sign" because it's hilarious...

Happy Freakin New Year ya'll!!