Okay...I'm getting ahead of myself. I KNEW there was a reason I was supposed to come to WY. In my naivety I had convinced myself it was for a fresh start at a better life for me and E....and for that I was right. I just didn't realize anyone else would be added to the equation. At least not like this.
So....after Christmas E was headed to visit his dad and I was headed home...alone. And at this point my sister had moved so I wasn't going back to her
house to rest and play with nephews and then drive 4 hours...I was literally headed home...so I
cried almost the ENTIRE ride home...all freaking 8 hours. I'm not really someone who cries, but it doesn't matter who I leave E with....I cry...and this drive was bad.
To say The Officer was a blessing at this point would be an understatement....he was beyond that. I was driving home...at least to WY....not to my home because it was still being renovated...so I was driving to my friend's home and they wouldn't be back from Christmas yet...and I didn't want to be there alone. I wanted to be anywhere but where I was without E. So he convinced me to drive an extra 30 minutes to his house...the town AFTER mine. And at first I didn't want to because I didn't want to be in the car another minute...let alone another 30....and I wanted to just shower and go to bed...I didn't want to talk about anything and I knew The Officer wanted to talk...he always wants to talk ;o) But I also knew I didn't want to be alone...I knew that driving the extra time and just being with someone else would be better than driving to my friend's empty house. So I went. Mind you...I keep doing things I don't want to do out here....but so far they've proven to be the best decisions.
So we got to spend a lot of time that week together since I have to follow so many "rules" with E around. And although it was fun...I missed E terribly...I always do when I'm not with him...and The Officer was so great about trying to keep my mind off my emotions.
Everything I thought I wanted in a partner and a step father was right in front of me....everything that I thought I would never find was staring at me....and my insecurities from my past kept creeping up. I was always told, "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is"...so what was this guys deal? Why did he seem so perfect? What the heck was he hiding? And there it was folks....my wall....built with years of hurt and heartache. Each brick laid with every selfish action and every broken promise. Boy did The Officer have his work cut out for him...and I was ready to test him. You have to be someone special to walk into a situation like mine. A single mom with a child that's old enough to know what's going on....you have to be in this for something other than a good time. I mean seriously, you want to date someone who can go out whenever and do whatever that's great....that's not me...I'm the at home every night taking care of my child kind of person...that occasionally can call a sitter but rarely does because I don't want to miss out on my time with E. It's not easy....and my ex makes everything so difficult it's disgusting. But I know in my heart that everything I do, I do it for E....and I know that whoever ends up with us crazies has to be someone special go through all this crap with us.
With every day that passes....even when the ex rears his nasty head...I feel blessed to have the two men in my life that make me happier than I've ever been. The Officer and E mean more to me than anything....and going through all this crap is easier with them by my side.
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