It's Been a Rough Ride

I'm nearing the end of E's six week summer vacay with his dad, and holy buckets I'm ready for this to be over. I've learned a lot....a lot about me, and definitely a lot about the people I used to consider family, and at the end of the day all I can say is thank Heavens I only have to deal with this for a short time during the summer.
It's rough not getting to talk to your child, to not see your child. It's rough not knowing what's going on and not knowing the people that are around them.
I feel that The Officer and I have been extremely respectful and mature about our relationship with the ex and his family. Grandma, Papa, and the ex have all met The Officer. Regardless of what they think of him, they at least know who he is and I think that speaks volumes.
I don't have a problem with my ex and his new wife. I don't even have a problem with his family that cares enough to start rumors about E's mother. What I'm uncomfortable with is the fact that I have to put blind trust into someone that I've never met. The ex decided himself to not tell me he was getting married, that E would have a step mom and that my child would be staying with her alone. Now, I'm smart enough to realize that yes, should my ex get married E would be staying with them. And I'm not by any means trying to appear that I don't approve of his spouse, because I don't care. I simply don't understand why things are kept from me. What would I have done if he had told me about the wedding? Gone down to stop it? Tried my hardest to disrupt it? Absolutely not. I knew about the wedding for a long time. I'm someone that calls her child every other day and I purposely didn't call the Friday of the rehearsal dinner because I knew they'd be busy, or the Saturday of the wedding because I knew they'd be busy, or the Sunday after because I knew they'd be busy with family that had come to the wedding before they left. Am I the only one that thinks that was nice of me? I don't want to toot my own horn or make it known that I'm a saint, but seriously?!?!? Was that not the polite thing to do?
My problem per se is that I feel like it's rude and disrespectful that I wasn't aware of something that directly involved my child. I now have to be the bigger person AGAIN and reach out to someone I don't know because they'll be taking care of my child while his dad is working.
I sent an email to his dad stating that this was uncomfortable for everyone (probably just me) because obviously she's only heard mean and nasty things about me...because I've been told that's what's been said...but I don't know her at all. I've never met her, never interacted with her, and if I wasn't smart enough to put two and two together I would've never known about her. On top of that now I have to contact her to talk to my child. It’s weird! But the response his dad gave was, “he’s being taken care of.” Well golly gee….if that was my concern you can bet your butt I’d be down there in a heartbeat if I didn’t think he was being taken care of! I KNOW he’s being taken care of…it doesn’t change the fact that it’s weird I have to call the “other woman”!! Sheesh!
My heart belongs to my child….and all I’ve ever wanted was to be an involved mother so it’s not easy to just sit back and let someone else take the reins. It’s hard to just be on the sidelines. I’m sure it’ll get easier and I’m sure one day I won’t want to slap the ex upside the head….but until then I’m trying my hardest to just laugh at the confusion and breathe through the chaos. And I’m so so so appreciative of the mutual friends that we do have that update me and send me pictures of my sweet boy. They have helped make the last 5.5 weeks a bit more bearable.

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