A Love Story...

Admitting faults isn't my strong suit...I'll admit I'm not perfect and I'm at fault...but beyond that you won’t get much….and I know exactly why that is…and I verbalized it for the first time ever just last night…and you can thank The Officer for that…he’s amazing…and this is why…
When I moved I didn’t plan on dating…anyone. I had come to terms with my life and made the decision that E was my life…and I would devote every part of my being to just being his mom….being the best mom and dad that any single mom could be. I made that decision before I even moved…and I think I’ve done a great job….E is a happy and healthy little guy…and I don’t want to pat myself on the back too much…but I think I had a lot to do with that…just me. So when I moved and people wanted to set me up I just kind of blew it off. PLUS I was “talking” to B…so I paid no attention to anyone else besides E. So when things tapered off with B I just assumed I could go back to being just mom....nope, the match-makers shifted into full gear and I got set up…on a blind date….at a Fish and Wildlife Banquet…really?!?!?! I am by no means a “city girl”…but I’m not exactly the outdoorsy type either! So I didn’t want to go…and I had no intentions of going. I came up with every excuse in the book too….but The Realtor wasn’t about to let me out of it…and when she told me how much he had spent on the tickets I felt guilty and decided to go…on a side note I found out he spends the money on the tickets every year and just never goes…yup, I was duped.
Anyway, I went and had a good time. It was a group date….The Realtor and The Investigator came, as well as The Sheriff and The Ranger. And thank Heaven’s they did…The Officer barely spoke to me! Ha! But it was a good time….he was very attentive and courteous and made me feel like I belonged there…and it helped that he was cute ;-)
E was with a sitter…and I hate getting him a sitter…I never know if he’s going to be okay with anyone other than me…and SURPRISE he’s completely fine without me. But I had the sitter there at 5 so we all could meet up and head to the banquet. I was told it wouldn’t be long either….then as 9 is rolling around I started to get nervous and I really wanted to get home to E….so The Officer offered to drive me to my car so I could go home and make sure E got to bed...that scored points.
So, we get to my car and he asks for my number…and although my initial thought was “heck no…I don’t date” I figured, “Eh what’s the harm…he’ll give up eventually”…so I gave it to him. I didn’t expect to hear from him for at least a couple days….boy was I wrong…

To be continued…

Forgiveness

Okay....to say I love my mother would be an understatement...that woman is the MOST amazing woman I know. Not only did she raise 4 kids by herself after my dad passed away, she has had to live with RA since she was 11...she has literally suffered her entire life with physical pain, and emotional pain, and through it all she stayed happy, positive and loving, true to herself, and faithful in her beliefs. If any of that was untrue she was good at hiding it. I have seen her deal with more than I would ever want anyone else to deal with...whether I liked them or not. I am completely humbled and in awe of that woman....and I miss her everyday that I'm away from her. The week before Christmas my friend J and I got together to make Christmas treats...and I kept saying, "This makes me miss home" because it did...my mom would always make our teachers little boxes of yummy candies for their Christmas gifts...and just smelling those smells took me back. And when I left I cried the entire way home...45 minutes. So needless to say I was READY to see my mom in Colorado for the holidays....E and I were BOTH so excited to see our Bubba. I even talked her into riding with me to meet E's dad halfway the day after Christmas...which is never a fun experience for anyone because I'm a complete wreck after leaving him....doesn't matter who I leave him with...complete wreck.
And of course, we listened to klove on the radio. A question was asked to the listeners about a popular song...Forgiveness by Matthew West..."What do you do if you've asked someone for forgiveness but they choose not to forgive you?" And we listened to those that called in and my mom asked me how I felt about that question and that song. I feel very strongly that if you ask for forgiveness and the other party chooses not to forgive you, you pray for them and you move on...end of story. BUT, my mother being the trickster that she is, was trying to get at that I myself don't forgive...especially myself. E's dad will never ask for forgiveness and that's fine...he'll never admit that anything he did or does, is or was wrong....that's not him...he's one of those people that is only concerned with himself...so if it doesn't bother him, it doesn't bother him end of story...and I've accepted that and moved on. So why can't I forgive myself?

Recap of 2012

Holy buckets!! 2011 knocked E and I on our butts....and 2012 was a rebuilding year...and boy was it! It was a year of firsts for us and we made it amazing...and we plan on making 2013 just as amazing and memorable. I couldn't have done it without my family and friends....but more importantly without E....he's my rock in everything that keeps my head level and my focus clear. Here's just a few highlights from 2012...with 2013 promising to have more...

• I turned 31 and E turned 4...I am a dinosaur...
• I attended Mac World in San Francisco...and visited Alcatraz and Fisherman's Wharf...way cool
• Got super close with 4 of my already super close friends....they are absolutely amazing and I miss them DAILY
• Moved E and I 850 miles away from the home we've only known
• Bought a new car
• E decided he was potty trained
• Spent most of the summer with my sister and nephews...E loves being so close to them
• Went to CNS and watched Danny race
• Worked cattle for the first time....which also meant stepping in more cow poop than I've ever seen
• E played on his first soccer team
• Flew to Arizona for the first time
• Slept in a tent....true story
• Spent the entire month of August away from my baby....longest month of my life!
• Cried more happy tears and sad tears than ever before
• E started preschool...and he loves it
• Got E a puppy
• Went to our first hockey game
• Got set up on a blind date for a Fish and Wildlife banquet (you read that right)...and the guy was absolutely THE nicest guy I've ever met
• Got thrown into Accounts Payable....still learning...but so far I like it
• Bought my very first house!!!

Nothing to write home about...and I'm sure I'm leaving a ton out....but truth be told it's been a crazy and exciting year. E and I have learned a lot about each other...learned our weaknesses and our strengths...and our love for each other has grown immensely. Without E I wouldn't have made it...and that's a fact. Of course, nowadays everything seems to be related to songs...and this reminds me what's important when I hear it...because that little guy is the reason for everything.

Sometimes it feels like, I’m gonna break
Sometimes this world, gives more than I can take
Sometimes, sunshine gets lost in the rain
And it keeps pouring down
It just keeps coming down.
This life would kill me If I didn’t have you
I couldn’t live without you baby
I wouldn’t want to
If you didn’t love me so much
I’d never make it through
This life would kill me If I didn’t have you

Story of my life

No big secret that I'm independent....or completely content with doing things on my own...so this horoscope came as a bit of a gut punch....because I've been trying sooo hard to not be so closed off...I've pushed a lot of wonderful people away because I've always just assumed if I don't let them get too close I won't get hurt.

 

Idk...I'll figure it out....eventually....

 

"You might be keeping yourself somewhat detached from the people who care about you most right now -- are you sure you're not pushing them away? Right now it's important that you connect with others, not disconnect. Look into this today. Ask one or two friends if they feel you're closed off or aloof. Pick their brain for ideas on how you can open yourself up a bit more. It's about time that you trusted in others enough to show them who you really are."

I love LW and Miss Ruby...yes I do

It's uncanny that these two women always know when to send me an encouraging text or email...just when I think I'm about to give up...I love them dearly and I'm so grateful that I have people that look out for me. Blessed beyond words.

“Don't you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in Good Things to Come.” -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Sad But True

It's sometimes difficult for you to accept change -- especially when it involves saying goodbye to something (or someone) who has brought joy to your life. But things change, and people move in new directions -- and you need to accept that. Besides, the transitions that are happening in your life right now are going to have very positive long-term results. While they won't all be easy to go through, they'll do wonders for your self-confidence.

I'm a Twighlight fan...this can't be helped

I blame one person and one person only....MicB. She did this....I wasn't interested in reading the books or watching the movies until her...so it's her fault entirely. But I love her for it. The actors aren't great....that's a given...but it's the feeling you get from the storyline. You don't go to the movies to watch Channing Tatum act either...you just go to stare :::twitterpated googly eyes:::
Back to reality....Twighlight....so I got into it just a few months ago....just in time to be all excited about the final film coming this November.....YAY! So today driving to lunch a song came on the radio and I loved it...turns out to be a song from the movie...go freakin figure. But I had to share...because I think it's a loverly song...and you will love it too...and let's be honest, who doesn't love cheesy, romance songs that make you think of a glittery vampire?

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more