Happy Freakin New Year

I'm having mixed feelings about 2012 already...I thought letting grandma and papa take E for the weekend so I could "do something fun" was a good idea....and I did have fun...but now I'm just counting down until I head to pick him up...I miss him like crazy and I can't wait to squeeze him!

Back to my mixed feelings..I get the whole starting fresh with the new year...and I'm compelled to make resolutions just like everyone else...and I fail, just like a lot of others. So I was trying to think about what I REALLY want to get out of the new year. This year it's just a few goals...like getting ready for that marathon...which totally freaks me out because I'm terrified of failing...and it's been so long since I ran...

Anyway, every Sunday after I drop E off at his class and get to the pew I say a little prayer that I "get" something from the service. Selfish, I know...but I like the feeling when I walk away as if the preacher was speaking directly to me...because although I'm extremely smart...did I say extremely? I meant EXTREMELY smart :::no sarcasm whatsoever::: and I think I have most of my life figured out, I love the feeling I get when someone else (whom I think is smarter than me) can say something that makes me stop and think. Today was one of those days. Like I said, I get caught up in the fresh start of the new year...but at the same time I'm realistic enough to know that not only does God have great things planned for me...this year, as with any other year...but I also know that this year is NOT going to be all fun and games like I feel it will be...every January 1. Obviously, things are changing...but I realize those can be both good and bad...and the outcome will be whatever I make it.

I started thinking of everything that I KNOW will happen this year...I have a lot of decisions to make this year...and I'll be making them on my own...and although I'm extremely independent and have the "if I want something done right I'll just do it myself" mentallity..I'm a little nervous...we're not talking about little desicions, to me these suckers are pretty big...whether or not E goes to school in August or we wait another year....whether or not I stay with the company I'm with, or look for something out of state...if I'm ready to let my mom live alone or not...will I date this year...do I buy a house and live with one of my best friends....I have a lot of issues when it comes to control...I get that...I hate not being able to have the stability of controlling something.

I blame it on being a Capricorn...which, I'm not one to look to the stars or anything...but lately my sign has been pretty dead on...freakishly dead on. I'll have to dedicate an entire post to "my sign" because it's hilarious...

Happy Freakin New Year ya'll!!

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