sing me a song

Do you ever feel like some songs were just meant for you? That whatever the song is about, it applies directly to how you're feeling or what you're going through at that very moment in your life. Lately, it's been two songs for me. And you better believe if you're in the car with me and one of them comes on, you'll get shushed!

The first makes me think of E, of course....God Gave Me You...I LOVE THIS SONG...I know E is only 3, but he has no idea how mch he means to me...and how much this little monkey keeps me going.

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it's true
God gave me you

And of course the 2nd is just what I feel speaks most to me and what's been happening in my life, Lift Me Up. I'm finally to the point in my life where I don't have control over everything...and as much as it hurts I'm learning to let go of what I can't control and focus on what I can...and what makes me happy.

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me
So I'm letting go
You lift me up when I can't see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me
So I'm letting go 

Everyone says, "sometimes you have to hit rock bottom..." and I always thought, yeah sure, whatever. Until it happened to me...or at least I hope it was rock bottom because if there's more coming I'm not entirely sure I could handle it. But anyway, sometimes it takes losing something (everything) that you took for granted to actually get you back on track...or to what you're actually supposed to be doing....who you're supposed to be with...etc. I just know that where I was 3-4 months ago...is far from where I am now...and I'm finally at the point in my life where I'm happy....with a lot...and it's unfortunate that I spent so much time unhappy...but you live and learn...

Anyway, tonight E and I went to a friends house....I adore her and her children....we love spending time with them. As we were talking and catching up (mostly about me because my dramatic life is as entertaining as a monkey on crack) there was a tiiiiiiny pause and miss K said, "you're doing good." Now, she knows I adore her...and her advice...but she has no idea how much it means to me to hear people tell me I'm doing a good job...I feel like I'm failing miserably half the time and to hear someone, who in my opinion has all there shmidt together, tell me I'm doing good is AMAZING. And I have a lot of friends and family who remind me of this...and it means so much every time.

Being a single parent is hard....it's exhausting...it's overwhelming...its hectic....its crazy....but it's so much more too. I couldn't imagine my life as E's dad....I couldn't ONLY see my child once a week....I love taking him to school...giving him his bath....tucking him into bed...I know I would be a miserable person if I didn't have E home with me 90% of the time...he's my world! I know good things are coming to us...I know God has a bigger plan for us...and I know we're going to be okay.


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