life is sweeter than sweet...

My life is crazy....crazy and beautiful and lame and chaotic and amazing...I would be lying if I said it didn't drive me nuts...but the truth is, I freaking love my life. You know that song that talks about finding out who your friends are when everything bad and wrong could happen? Well...that's my life in a nutshell at this point. And I know I keep saying this over and over....but I have the best support system anyone could ever ask for...I have THE BEST son in the world...the best family in the world...the best ex-future in-laws....and the most amazing friends...seriously...I often ask God why he feels the need to bless me as much as he does...and then I just smile because I know he loves me and everyone around me and he wants me to be happy.

Although some days my emotions get the best of me I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm blessed beyond measure and I'm trying my hardest to be the most amazing mother, daughter, sister, and friend I could possibly be. At my works Christmas party a story was told...about a widow that was having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit because it was her first Christmas without her husband...and it was literally right there that I realized the first of everything is the hardest, but it gets easier. I may not be a widow, but I have a lot of firsts that are coming. E and I went through our first Halloween and Thanksgiving together without dad, and Christmas is coming and the rest of the holidays after that...and it makes me sad, but I know we'll be okay. It's an adjustment for everyone, but E and I are tough...we got this!

I have a few doubters though...that think I'm either too consumed in my child or that I'm still holding out for my fairytale...and I'm going to set the story straight...I AM too consumed with my child...he's the reason I wake up every morning. Of all the mistakes I've ever made, he's NOT one of them. I will spend my entire life doing what is best for him. And as sad as it sounds, no I'm not holding out for my fairytale...at least not with E's dad. What's done is done and there's nothing else to say about it. My life is crazy....crazy and beautiful and lame and chaotic and amazing...all it takes is one look from my sweetheart and I know everything I'm doing, every sacrifice I'm making, is completely worth it. I choose my family and friends, and that's the smartest decision I've ever made.

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