I hope God has a sense of humor...

because if he doesn't I'm in trouble!

I was texting a friend yesterday about her uber cute friend that just so happens to live in CO...and in one of the pictures on his facebook he's shirtless....needless to say he's got a nice....uh....hat on in the picture...

So our conversation went a little something like this...

Rachel - Brett's going to CO for something on Friday
Me - Can I go with Brett and play with uber cute friend of yours while he's doing his thing
Rachel - :::sending pics through text of uber cute friend:::
Rachel - He's 4 hours away
Me - Totally worth the drive I'm sure
Rachel - OK
Me - Yay!! I totally won't freak him out ;-)
Rachel - He might like it
Me - :::::SMILE::::
Me - Hi uber cute friend of Rachel's - can you take your shirt off? K thx
Rachel - You're awesome
Me - I know, right?

Anyway...on my drive home I seriously  had to stop and think....I wonder if God has a sense of humor. Did he think to himself, "Dang it Cara! You know better than to joke about that!" Or do you think maybe he just giggled and shook his head thinking, "OMH you're such a nerd!"

In any case....I'm hoping it was the latter...because I have a slightly sarcastic personality...yeah....slightly....

Anyway....going to repent now....be back later ::::smiley face wink:::

sing me a song

Do you ever feel like some songs were just meant for you? That whatever the song is about, it applies directly to how you're feeling or what you're going through at that very moment in your life. Lately, it's been two songs for me. And you better believe if you're in the car with me and one of them comes on, you'll get shushed!

The first makes me think of E, of course....God Gave Me You...I LOVE THIS SONG...I know E is only 3, but he has no idea how mch he means to me...and how much this little monkey keeps me going.

God gave me you for the ups and downs

God gave me you for the days of doubt

And for when I think I lost my way

There are no words here left to say, it's true

God gave me you

And of course the 2nd is just what I feel speaks most to me and what's been happening in my life, Lift Me Up. I'm finally to the point in my life where I don't have control over everything...and as much as it hurts I'm learning to let go of what I can't control and focus on what I can...and what makes me happy.

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me
So I'm letting go
You lift me up when I can't see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me
So I'm letting go 

Everyone says, "sometimes you have to hit rock bottom..." and I always thought, yeah sure, whatever. Until it happened to me...or at least I hope it was rock bottom because if there's more coming I'm not entirely sure I could handle it. But anyway, sometimes it takes losing something (everything) that you took for granted to actually get you back on track...or to what you're actually supposed to be doing....who you're supposed to be with...etc. I just know that where I was 3-4 months ago...is far from where I am now...and I'm finally at the point in my life where I'm happy....with a lot...and it's unfortunate that I spent so much time unhappy...but you live and learn...

Anyway, tonight E and I went to a friends house....I adore her and her children....we love spending time with them. As we were talking and catching up (mostly about me because my dramatic life is as entertaining as a monkey on crack) there was a tiiiiiiny pause and miss K said, "you're doing good." Now, she knows I adore her...and her advice...but she has no idea how much it means to me to hear people tell me I'm doing a good job...I feel like I'm failing miserably half the time and to hear someone, who in my opinion has all there shmidt together, tell me I'm doing good is AMAZING. And I have a lot of friends and family who remind me of this...and it means so much every time.

Being a single parent is hard....it's exhausting...it's overwhelming...its hectic....its crazy....but it's so much more too. I couldn't imagine my life as E's dad....I couldn't ONLY see my child once a week....I love taking him to school...giving him his bath....tucking him into bed...I know I would be a miserable person if I didn't have E home with me 90% of the time...he's my world! I know good things are coming to us...I know God has a bigger plan for us...and I know we're going to be okay.

HUGS

life is sweeter than sweet...

My life is crazy....crazy and beautiful and lame and chaotic and amazing...I would be lying if I said it didn't drive me nuts...but the truth is, I freaking love my life. You know that song that talks about finding out who your friends are when everything bad and wrong could happen? Well...that's my life in a nutshell at this point. And I know I keep saying this over and over....but I have the best support system anyone could ever ask for...I have THE BEST son in the world...the best family in the world...the best ex-future in-laws....and the most amazing friends...seriously...I often ask God why he feels the need to bless me as much as he does...and then I just smile because I know he loves me and everyone around me and he wants me to be happy.

Although some days my emotions get the best of me I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm blessed beyond measure and I'm trying my hardest to be the most amazing mother, daughter, sister, and friend I could possibly be. At my works Christmas party a story was told...about a widow that was having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit because it was her first Christmas without her husband...and it was literally right there that I realized the first of everything is the hardest, but it gets easier. I may not be a widow, but I have a lot of firsts that are coming. E and I went through our first Halloween and Thanksgiving together without dad, and Christmas is coming and the rest of the holidays after that...and it makes me sad, but I know we'll be okay. It's an adjustment for everyone, but E and I are tough...we got this!

I have a few doubters though...that think I'm either too consumed in my child or that I'm still holding out for my fairytale...and I'm going to set the story straight...I AM too consumed with my child...he's the reason I wake up every morning. Of all the mistakes I've ever made, he's NOT one of them. I will spend my entire life doing what is best for him. And as sad as it sounds, no I'm not holding out for my fairytale...at least not with E's dad. What's done is done and there's nothing else to say about it. My life is crazy....crazy and beautiful and lame and chaotic and amazing...all it takes is one look from my sweetheart and I know everything I'm doing, every sacrifice I'm making, is completely worth it. I choose my family and friends, and that's the smartest decision I've ever made.

Teach me how to Gundy

The greatest Homecoming celebration in the history of ever happened this past weekend. Tons of fun, family, friends, food, football....it was an amazing weekend and I'm glad I got to share it with my little man.

We totally skipped the walkaround because I'm a mom that a) didn't want to fight the crowds with a toddler and b) was already dealing with a toddler hyped up on sugar thanks to the Halloween school party - yay! So I opted to get the kid to bed so we could get up early for the parade.

Me: E are you excited about the parade?
E: No
Me: Bummer - do you want to get donuts?
E: Can we go to the parade now? (the kid knows his priorities!)

Then after a failed attempt for a quick nap BEFORE the game we headed to meet Kris. Now the best part of the day happened at this point - and I failed to snap a photo. We parked at the Library Annex and rode the bus to the tailgate....E was in HEAVEN....holy craptastic! He was so excited to ride the bus it was hilarious! "Mom we're going....here we go!!"

Before we sat down at the tailgate we wandered over to the bouncy thingy so E could exert some energy - no nap = deliriousness! I snapped a few photos to which E kept wanting to look at and remind me that, "that was so much fun mom" Yes dear - I know punkin!

After we ate and mingled - yes Kris I know everyone because I've lived here for 30 yrs, and I'm super cool - we headed to our seats. E loved "the big tvs", and by loved I mean I'll be looking to purchase a eleventy billion inch tv because "we need one mom!" We watched the players stretch and the band march...and then when all the smoke was coming from the tunnel....holy crap they're coming and hell's coming with them eeepp!!! ...E fell asleep...yes, with all the noise and craziness going on, my child was dead weight while I stood....no one sits down at these things! My. Arms. Are. Killing. Me. Still. Such a good game though! We whooped Baylor 59-24...what a thrill! 8-0...Love my Pokes!!

We ended the weekend at the church Harvest Carnival with some wonderful friends! You don't get any pics yet, because we're trick or treating tonight and I want to show you how adorable my little man is next post.

Lately I've prayed a lot...and a few things are certain...I know why God gave me E and I'm starting to understand what's in store...as scary as it is. But right now, I'm focused on my life with E and just completely blessed beyond words with the people who God has brought into mine and E's life...and the amazing support and kindness they've shown. Just one thing....can you teach me how to Gundy?

self realization

Lately I've felt the urge to make changes...and those changes aren't necessarily physical - although dropping a couple lbs never hurt anyone, especially those back on the dating scene (in like 10 yrs) - and no I'm not quitting my job (but I have considered a tattoo - quit jumping up and down Britton) - but big girl changes....for me and E. A dear friend told me I'd spent all my time taking care of other people that this was my time to take care of me...and E of course. Now, I'm not about to shirk my responsibilities at all...but some much needed changes are underway so WISH ME LUCK as I embark on this new scary exciting journey!!

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by the rules

Of someone else's game

Too late for second-guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

I'm through accepting limits

'cause someone says they're so

Some things I cannot change

But til I try, I'll never know!

Too long I've been afraid of

Losing love I guess I've lost

Well, if that's love

It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy

Defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye

I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

sometimes I wonder...

How the heck did I get such great friends? No joke...if I were lying I'd have been struck down years ago.

I have the kind of friends you can call/text/email/letter in a bottle/smoke signal/telegram/singing quartet anytime, anywhere.

These are the men and women that keep me sane and happy....and insanely happy.

Allow me to explain....I took a poll....I needed some sunshine blown up my rear and who better to do that than my posse? I told my friends to give me reasons why they love me....hoping they would be funny (because I need a good laugh)....but this is what I got...I have nothing but sweet friends...and a few of them moved up the rankings ;-) But here's a few responses...in no particular order

• Gretchen: Ok...ha! I love how vulnerable you are. Like you are completely transparent and only goodness. Not many people are that innately good. Gretchen - the only chick that can make me laugh and cry at the same time - you were the first to respond and I know it's because you're always there when I need you!
• Briley: Ur contagious laugh and smile :o) I'm contagious because I'm dorky and you totally know that!
• Paula: (deserves the best response EVER award!) Who said I loved you? Seriously, I love that you are always cheerful and that you say I'm your favorite. :o) You DO love me and you ARE my favorite....just don't tell anyone!
• Amber: (deserves the "thank you for being funny about this" award) Your poop. Your kid. Your ability to change subjects mid sentence. Your willingness to grab free soda at the casino. Your farts in my general direction. I'm just getting started.... Sorry I farted in your purse!
• Blaire: I LOVE your fun personality and your sense of humor...plus you seem to be a great mama who is always looking out for Mr. E...and I love that too!! I love that you laugh at my jokes! I always feel super funny around you!
• Jake: I really love your hair...and a$$. Jake - holy crap what would I do without your random texts?!?!
• Annie: I love your fun personality! And your smile! No - I love YOUR smile - and I still think you're a hooker for leaving us....but I do still love you so it's okay!
• Ashton: I love that you're nurturing/motherly. You practically raised Kelsey and me! O.M.G. My babies before my baby! I pride myself on having a hand in raising you! HUGS!
• LaRonna: Very comical, pretty, sweet, you like my kids so that is a big plus in my book! I could go on and on all day...you are great. I love your girls....and I totally don't use you to hang out with them....nooooooo ;o)
• Leesa: You have a heart of gold and you're a good mom. LW - If I haven't told you today that I'd be lost without you I suck....because I would be completely lost without your advice!
• Russ: I love that you are going to be coming to visit us on Thanksgiving! Seriously...you are so lucky to have me as a slaw!
• Erin: (who deserves the best picture response ever...which you'll never see because it's my blog...and longest response ever award)  What do I love about you? Hmmm...Let me think. I love the fact that you are so genuine and funny. You are witty and outgoing - I don't think you have ever met a stranger! You are such a good mother - this is obvious in how you act with your "stinker" and how you love to spend time with him. You are an outstanding daughter. You do so much more than most people. Besides caring for E, you also take on the responsibility of caring for your mom. Not a lot of people can say they do that and many aren't even capable of doing that!  You have been through so much in your life, with your dad, mom, Easton and the few “arses” that showed up along the way.  You are a strong person and you need to realize that.  I know it’s hard going through breakups, but you can overcome this.  Look at all of the obstacles you have tackled so far in your 30.75 years of life!  Love you friend! OMG OMG OMG....I think I'm on an Erin High....you are too perfect a friend!
• Shelly: You are happy all the time! You have a great attitude toward life! You are an inspiration and I adore you!
• Carol: I love how you are always happy to see me and you give me a BIG OLE HUG to prove it! You're the only one I hug....honest....just ask Jacob!
• Aaron - The old you that was naive and happy-go-lucky! I'm still naive and happy-go-lucky turd!
• Tara: That you are a caring person, always there when needed, makes beautiful babies, likes chik-a-lay, and full of jokes. I have so much fun with you! And I'm so proud of you! You are amazing!
• And last but not definitely least Abby: (who gets the "You know way too much about me" award) You ALWAYS have fun stories; no matter what the situation, you can always find something to laugh about; I never know what's going to come out of your mouth; you know when all the best deals are going on and you share that info with fellow shopaholics; and finally - Marsha Farsha! You let me say whatever I want...and half of what I say comes from you anyway! Grow some balls people!

Yes, I fished for compliments....hoping I could laugh at myself with my friends...instead I got an overwhelming response of why my friends love me...they accept me for the dipstick I am and for that I am grateful. Besides my child you all make me smile and keep my world turning...but you totally suck at being funny...we need to work on this. Schmucks! **HUGS**

The One Flaw in Women

By the time the Lord made woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on Diet Coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart - and she will do everything with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands?! No way?! And that's just the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish."

"But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18-hour days."

The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord."

"She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."

"Will she able to think?" asked the angel.

The Lord replied, "Not only will she able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."

The angel the noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."

"That's not a leak," the Lord corrected. "That's a tear!"

"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.

The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride."

The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You though of everything! Woman is truly amazing!"

And she is. Women have strengths that amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy, and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. Women come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

However, if there is one tiny flaw in women, it is that they forget their worth