I Thought I Was Stronger

I thought I was stronger than I feel right now....so many emotions...and I don't know whether to cry...or just laugh hysterically. I miss so much...so many people...so many places....so many things. I am beyond blessed....an amazing son....a strong and loving family....encouraging and supportive friends...so whuck is going on? I have no idea....well I take that back...I have an idea...and it sucks....because I hate feeling like this.

I miss Stillwater:

I miss my mom more than anything. I miss knowing where I'm going without thinking about it. I miss having 2 Wal-Marts. I miss Boomer Lake. I miss game-day weekends. I miss McAlister's with K...I miss K!!! I miss card night with the girls....G, M, and R. I miss Orange Friday's. I miss Ross. I miss the Foundation...especially EB, AD, LW, JL, CL, SK, KW, CR, and LW. I miss my ward. I miss Louie's. I miss Calf Fry and College Days. I miss Meanie cat. I miss my neighborhood....and my neighbors! I miss RMCF.

I miss Abby's blue lights. I miss talking to G....we're too far! I miss the university. I miss Walk MS. I miss Bedlam! I miss wrestling. I miss the Renaissance. I miss the Valero. I miss the rain....the thunderstorms. I miss my house....my room...my CLOSET! I miss the Tunnel Wash. I miss Daylight Donuts...I know E misses them too! I miss the campus bells!

 I miss Main St...and Perkins....and McElroy. I miss the Sea of Orange. I miss The Strip. I miss Bad Brad's BBQ...and all the Joe's. I miss Sonic happy hour! I MISS MY MOM!!!!!!

I miss so much about my hometown...every little thing that I didn't even realize existed until now. I miss my home...I miss my friends...I miss my life.

I know moving was the best thing for me and E....and everyone else that was involved...and I don't regret it at all. So many wonderful things have happened because of this move....but I still miss Stillwater....and I know I'll always miss it. I'm grateful, more than anything, to have a place to call home...and I'm grateful it's Stillwater.

Encouraging Words

You can't give up yet! Even if things seem especially dire, you've got to persevere -- even if it's just to prove a point to your kids or anyone else who's watching. You may be surprised! Your view on life has definitely been centered around the glass being half empty for a while, but today a fresh, idealistic energy will surround you -- and give you hope. Also, you are surrounded by people who cherish you and you should start relying on them more than you have been. They are in your life because they want to be there, so let them help you! They will play a vital role in helping to turn your outlook into a more of a glass half full one.

Star-gazing

So yes, we're all aware that I'm into my horoscope...but who wouldn't be if it said things they wanted to hear? What better way to blow sunshine up anyone's rear than to tell them that their life is perfect and everything is going according to plan...especially if you've had my roller coaster of a life lately...let's be honest!
Well...here's today...and I couldn't be more pleased with it!
"Lately you've been fighting the urge to start any new projects -- but today is finally the right time to embrace a new idea and work on fleshing it out. Initiate something new, and you will get the strong sense of possibility -- the sense that you truly can shape your life in a new way if you want to. Are you afraid of getting what you really want? Nonsense! The universe says that any pathway you start walking down today will lead you to enlightenment."

I know exactly what my new project is and I'm ecstatic to shape my life exactly the way I want....I'm feeling a bit empowered these days...and boy does it feel GOOD!

I've always loved Courtney Cox

I've been reading about Courtney and David's split....my guilty pleasure = celebrity gossip...and I'm amazed when couples can be mature about splits, especially when it involves children. And part of my heart sinks because I know that the split with my ex could've been so much easier had different choices been made. Now, of course, I'm not pleading innocence at all...but I have to remember that this split wasn't my idea...it was his...and although I agree now that it was the best thing for everyone, I still don't agree with the way he handled things. From going out and partying, to bringing a third person into the picture before anything was settled, to choosing everything in the world over our son...I struggle every day with the thought that I spent so much time and energy on someone that has zero respect for me or our child, which by default makes me have no respect for him. His choices don't bother him, his family, or his friends, and that's still extremely painful...to think that something that was once so sacred means absolutely nothing. Courtney once said about David, "He's my favorite person in the world. He's my best friend. No matter what happens in our future, he's my very best friend." I only wish I could say the same about my ex. But, what's done is done...and there's no going back and changing anything....that's all there is to it. Sad, but true.

These chucks were made for walking...

I've been thinking about this post for awhile now - not sure how to write it, or even if I should. It really is a sensitive subject right now and I've had to keep a few things to myself. We all know I internalize a lot - my sister gets to hear the majority of all my struggles - but everyone else is kept in the dark. A few friends who know me well enough to know something is wrong, know - but they don't dare force me to talk about it.
E and I are moving. This wasn't a quick decision - it was very thought out, prayed about, and an extremely overanalyzed (on my part) decision. I've weighed every option - made my pros and cons lists (like a good Capricorn would) and when it comes down to it, this move is a good move for me and E - and that is my main priority. We are very excited to be closer to my sister and nephews - but far enough that we have our own space.
I feel strongly that this is what is supposed to happen. I feel very blessed with this opportunity and I'm looking forward to the future.

My little Cancer...

So a while ago I posted about my sign and how it really does describe me...almost to a "T"...so as I was a bit taken back by how creepy and dead on my zodiac sign was....I checked out E's...here's what I have to look forward to...

• As a cancer you sometimes get negative on life for no reason.
• Cancers are romantics and are difficult to deal with in the beginning, but once in love, they're easy to get along with.
• Although cancers have pride in their skills, they frequently find themselves uncertain.
• Cancers are very predictable and usually stick to routine.
• Cancers can peer into the hearts of people and determine their inner thoughts and wishes.
• Cancers are best at picking the perfect moment to do or say something.
• As a cancer you don't like it when you're pressured to say or do something or when you are put on the spot.
• Cancers will choose someone who can understand them as best as possible.
• Cancers can always spot the difference between sincere compliments and the ones intended simply to persuade.
• As a cancer you appear cool and composed but underneath you may feel unsure of yourself and not good enough.
• Cancer is a faithful friend and will give up their own comfort to help out another.
• Even though Cancers like new things, they love what they already have.

And my favorite...

• As a Cancer you're not one to initiate a fight, but you're a fierce opponent when provoked.

Awesome...this explains soooooooo much!

Some of my favorite inspirations...

I've been slacking again...and I know...but I haven't had a lot going on besides the mundane crap that goes on week to week...so I'm taking a minute to be inspired...and I want to share a few of my favorite inspirational quotes....sayings...whatever you want to call it...the things that give me a warm fuzzy :o)

• I can be changed by what happens to me. I refuse to be reduced by it.
• Love me without restriction, trust me without fear, want me without demand and accept me for who I am.
• Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.
• You will come to know that what appears today to be a sacrifice will prove instead to be the greatest investment that you will ever make.
• The one who falls and gets up is so much stronger than the one who never fell.
• Don't ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, and my kindness for weakness.
• Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure the difficult one.
• People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.. Give your best anyway.
• Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best.
• When we put our problems in God's hands, He puts His peace in our hearts.
• What comes easy, won't always last. And what will last, won't always come easy.
• Welcome the unexpected changes in life. Learn to bend with grace and humility. Grow through it all and never forget to take notice of the beauty changes can bring.
• It takes a strong heart to love, but it takes an even stronger heart to love after it’s been broken.
• Smile when you're hurt. Laugh when you want to cry. Have faith in yourself when nothing seems right. Believe in your heart. Trust that even though it’s hard now, in the end you’ll be okay.